Page 86 of Love Notes & Lifelines
What have I done?
While I panic, Stella remains calm.
“Oh, sweetie.” She pulls Emmy into a hug. “No one will ever replace your mom. She’s your mom and she always will be, even from heaven. But I think it’s okay to have lots of people who love you as much as your mom. How does that sound?”
Emmy’s shine has dimmed a little. Does she understand how Stella just deflected that answer? Then her face lights up again. “Do I get to wear a pawty dress? A pwetty one? A pwincess one?”
This question I can field. I’ll buy her a hundred dresses if she wants. I’ll probably buy her anything to keep this innocent happiness on her face.
“You can wear whatever you want,” I tell her, crouching down beside Stella.
There’s concern in Stella’s gaze when she turns to me, but it’s overpowered by the happy spin Emmy does in her arms. When she leans in and kisses Stella’s cheek, I fall unceremoniously onto my ass.
I’ve never wanted a family. Not once. I’ve actively avoided it by never having relationships, but I think I’d change my opinion on the matter in a heartbeat if I got to see that kind of love every day.
Emmy runs into my arms next. “I lub you too, Daddy Beck.”
I’m glad I’m sitting down because if I wasn’t those words would have bowled me over.
She runs back to my cousin, blissfully unaware of the bomb she just dropped.
Stella and I sit side by side in complete silence. The seconds turn into minutes before she glances in my direction.
“Are you okay?”
I shake my head. “It’s too soon for her to up and call me Daddy, isn’t it? I’m not prepared. I wasn’t prepared. Did I even tell her I love her back?”
Stella bites her lip and I have my answer. Shit.
She shocks the hell out of me when she rests her head on my shoulder. Maybe the events of the day have drained her, too, but I’m even more surprised that I want her to stay there—I need her to stay there.
It was stupid of me to think I could have Stella and not need her as well. There’s no half-assing it with this woman.
“I think she’s confused,” she says softly, and I place an arm around her, tugging her closer. “She’s trying to make sense of her world in concrete terms she understands. Mom and Dad are safe—it’s who kids want when their life doesn’t make sense. That’s my guess anyway.”
Another memory thunders in my chest. It wasn’t Mom and Dad who chased my ghosts, it was Cally.
Fuck me.
I give up and drop my chin to the top of her head. She shudders against me. She does it a lot, almost as if she’s been starved for affection so it surprises her when she receives it. For someone who’s very touchy-feely, she doesn’t receive affection in the same easy manner in which she gives it.
There’s so much I don’t know about her, but my feelings for her aren’t wrong—uncomfortable, yes, but not wrong. Even though it messes with every plan I’ve made for myself, I lean into them. Into her.
“You’re a very smart woman.”
“Sometimes,” she says. “And sometimes I ruin everything I touch.” The sadness in her voice sends me into that protector role again. It’s something that’s becoming normal where she’s concerned.
“What do you mean?”
Her gaze is haunted when she lifts her head, and my heart crumbles when she closes herself off before my very eyes. Whatever she was about to tell me is now hidden behind a mask that I hate. I haven’t given her any reasons to trust me, but I’ll show her that the masks she wears aren’t needed around me.
Never in a million years would I have thought I’d be singing a different tune in a matter of days, but something about this woman has me reevaluating my entire life—and I don’t even hate it.
“Whoa,” Tabby says, entering the room and flopping onto the floor in front of us. She always did have strange social skills. But this time, I simply shake my head because this is the Tabby I remember—no boundaries, no facades, only unconditional love. She was an innocent bystander in my self-imposed exile.
Leo enters the room with a girl on each hip.
Another casualty. But his smiling eyes say welcome home, and for the first time since I stepped foot in this place, the walls have stopped closing in on me.
