Page 98 of Love Notes & Lifelines
“No, I don’t.” He takes my hand in his and runs gentle circles on my wrist with his thumb. “I know that you obviously love your mother. I know the lies and half-truths that scumbag attempted to state as facts, but I don’t know anything about your secrets until I hear them from you.”
“Who are you?” my mother asks.
I turn toward her so fast my head spins. But she’s not asking me, she’s asking Beck.
“Hello, Mrs. Anderson. My name is Becker Hayes, and I’m in love with your daughter.”
She smiles, but her gaze is skittish. “My daughter,” she repeats. She doesn’t remember that she has one. “And who are you?”
My heart is already in ashes, and she just blew them away.
“My name is Stella. Do you need anything?” She glances around the room and the moment is gone. She stares at a TV in the corner that quietly plays her favorite music. She used to love the trivia questions that accompanied every song. Now she stares at them without seeing.
I squeeze her hand, then rise and kiss her cheek. She stares at me and for a split second I feel her—who she used to be, and then like everything good in my life, she vanishes.
“We’ll let you rest,” I say through a cloud of emotion.
Beck remains at my side as I exit the room. He takes my hand in his and leads me out of the building to the car I drove here.
“Where are the girls?” I scan the parking lot, searching for his other car. “What did Emmy see?”
He leans against the car and pulls me between his legs with a gentle touch. Beck’s eyes are a myriad of emotions, but he doesn’t speak.
It takes three tries before I make my words work, and when they do, they’re choppy. “Can I at least say goodbye to them? They’ve already had so much loss. I don’t want them thinking I’ve abandoned them.”
He tilts his head. Is he messing with me, or does he not understand my request?
“Stella, you know what I think?”
I shake my head and clench my teeth to keep any emotions I can control in check.
“I think the girls aren’t the only ones suffering great losses. I think even when you were in a relationship, you were always alone. I think life has treated you poorly, yet you give everything you have and then some.”
Salty emotion gags me no matter how hard I fight it.
“I think you equate need with love, but you’ve taught me something about myself no one else ever could. I need you, yes, but I don’t have to need you to love you. I think I love you justas you are, whether you’re doing the laundry, finding a traitor in my company, or simply gracing me with a smile.”
My body is telling me to back away, but the pull of his embrace is a warmth I desperately need. The urge to flee is strong, but it’s not as strong as the determination I find in Beck’s open expression and I sag against him.
What the hell does he mean he loves me?
“The girls are on their way home with Tabby and Leo. They’ll spend the night at the house. Come with me?”
“Where?”
“Somewhere you can relax, and if you’re willing, tell me what the fuck just happened in there.”
I owe him that, don’t I? The truth?
“I see your mind spinning, and if any part of your brain is telling you that I won’t love you if I know your secrets, then you’re seriously underestimating how far I’m willing to go to love you, sweetheart.”
“How do you know?”
He jerks his head back. “Know what?”
“That you’ll still love me after you hear what I’ve done? You’ve never been in a relationship, Beck. You’ve never loved anyone before. What if you’re just grieving and not really feeling what you think you are?”
“So cynical,” he says, walking me toward the passenger door. “In all the time you’ve worked for me, have you ever known me to go back on a decision once I’ve made it?”
