Page 104 of Late Nights & Love Lines
“Pappy,” I gasp. “You hit him?”
“No, son. I knocked that fucker out cold, and trust me, after hearing him talk for less than five minutes about our Row, I was too easy on him.”
Pappy brushes his hands off on his work jeans, then makes his way up the stairs while I mentally calculate how old he would have been—early sixties, maybe. My grandfather knocked someone out cold in his sixties. I guess age doesn’t matter when it comes to the safety of someone you love. I’d have done the same thing.
With a shake of my head, I follow them inside.
“Miles?” I call toward the kitchen. “You ready?”
He walks down the short hallway with a small tackle box in hand. He’s still moving slowly from surgery, so we won’t stay outlong, but Rowan insisted he needed some one-on-one time, and the smile on his face now tells me she was right once again.
“Ready, Dad.”
I pick up the two fishing poles Pappy fed with new line this morning, then follow him out the door and down the path to the water.
It’s an hour before either line even moves, but his excitement as we reel it in together is worth everything.
“Holy cow, Dad. It’s a big one.”
“It really is,” I say, slightly out of breath. The fish might be too big. As soon as the thought enters my head, the line snaps.
“Ah, bummer.” Miles sighs.
“It would have been hard getting that thing all the way up to the deck anyway, bud. You hooked a giant.”
The happiness shining on his face is everything to me. He’s missing a canine tooth on both sides, but he hasn’t smiled big enough for me to see that lately.
“It’s okay, Dad. We can try again. I don’t mind sitting here.” I have him set up in a beach chair on the dock. It was easier for him than getting up and down in the sand, so I take a seat next to him with my legs hanging off the side.
“Me either. I love doing stuff with you, buddy. I’m sorry things have been so crazy I haven’t been able to do this as much as I’d like, but I hope you understand that it’s not because I don’t want to. I love spending time with you. I always have, and I always will. You’re a very special kid, you know that?”
He doesn’t reply, so I tilt my head, blocking the sun from my eyes to stare at him, and my entire stomach drops out when his chin quivers.
“Hey, Miles. What’s the matter? Did I say something?”
He shakes his head violently, and I immediately set our fishing poles to the side. Standing, I gingerly lift him from hischair, then spin around so I can sit in it with him cradled in my lap.
When he curls into me the way he hasn’t since he was a toddler, that unease from a moment ago turns into a turbulent storm in my gut.
“What’s up, buddy? What’s wrong? You can always talk to me. I’m your dad, and even if I’m busy, I promise I will always make time for you. You, Seren, and Kade are the most important pieces of me. I’ll always be there for you.”
Miles buries his face into my chest, so I hold him tighter. Time passes, and I rub his back as horrible fears play through my mind. I hug him until his body stops trembling and the sun begins to set.
Eventually he shifts in my lap enough to peer up at me through wet lashes. He opens his mouth twice, as though he wants to say something but can’t find the words. Tears fall down his cheeks, and he tucks himself into my side again to hide them. He clings to me as though he’s trying to claw his way inside of my chest to hide, and parental fear as I’ve never experienced sits solidly in my throat.
What the hell have I missed?
“Is it…” His little voice shreds my heart, peeling back layers one at a time, and it’s fucking brutal. “Is it my fault she left?”
So many emotions war inside of me. Hatred for his mother for doing this to him. Fear that I won’t be enough for him. Sadness that he’s carried this question around with him for months.
“God, no, buddy. Why would you think that?” I mindlessly pat his back as images dance in my memory of doing the same thing to him when he was a baby and needed help burping.
“She didn’t like me much.”
My hand freezes in midair, and another layer of my heart is ripped from my chest.
“Of—of course she did, Miles. She’s your mom.”
