Page 105 of Late Nights & Love Lines
He shakes his head, and I run through the memories of our lives together. What happened to make him believe this?
“She liked Kade when he was a baby, but then she didn’t like him anymore either. She yelled at us a lot. And, before she left…”
My entire body fills with icy dread. Whatever he’s about to tell me has been crushing him. The weight of his fear crashes into me with each violent shake of his body, knocking the air from my lungs as I wait for the final blow.
“Mommy was having a meeting with Uncle Nick, and we were always supposed to leave them alone during their meetings. But.” He chokes on a sob, and all I can do is hold him to my chest and rock him while my world falls out below me for the second time because of my lying, cheating fucking ex.
“K—Kade fell down the stairs.” In slow motion, my muscles lock together like the teeth of a zipper from my toes to my scalp. “We weren’t supposed to go upstairs at all, but he wanted his trains and—and I thought we could be quick.”
The lump on Kade’s head the days before Seren’s performance flashes in my mind—the scene a horrifyingly vivid nightmare.
“He hurt his head, and I went to tell Mommy, but she, they…he told me I ruined everything.”
Breathe in, breathe out. In. Out. I focus on my physical reactions, because my mind is veering off to every way I can inflict the most amount of pain on two people who not only betrayed me but did this to my son. I have to stay calm for my little boy.
Focus on Miles. Focus on Miles. Focus on Miles. I chant it in my head. He is what matters. I’ll fucking destroy them later.
“Are you mad at me?” His voice is so small I barely hear it over the sea breeze.
“What?” I pull him away from my chest so he can read the truth in my eyes. “No, Miles. I’m not mad at you at all. I would never be mad at you for trying to help your siblings—never. But why did you tell me he fell off the swings?”
I fear I already have the answer, but I need confirmation.
“Mommy said you’d be mad, and you wouldn’t love me anymore if I told you what I did to Kade.”
My jaw is clenched so tightly that when something cracks, it brings the smallest hint of relief. The rage, the need to rip apart my ex-wife’s world, is a force I’m not sure I’m strong enough to control anymore.
He clenches my shirt in one hand, and it takes a Herculean effort to tame the rage festering in my soul, but I do it because he is my priority. The hatred that’s consuming me will never touch his gentle soul—but I’ll blast it toward those who hurt him if it’s the last thing I ever do.
“Buddy,” I say, blowing out a harsh breath as if I’m releasing the toxicity his mother has infected us with. “Trust me. No one is to blame for that except your mom. It was her job to keep you all safe. That was not your responsibility. Is that why you’ve been hovering around him, protecting him?”
He nods as fresh tears fill his eyes. “I didn’t want to be bad again.”
“Oh, God, Miles.” The words barely make it past my lips before a sob is ripped from my chest. “You’re the best kid in the whole wide world. There’s not a bad bone in your body, I swear to you. I’m so sorry, Miles. So, so sorry.” Tears stream down my face, but I make myself say the words he needs to hear. “It’s my job to protect you all too, and I haven’t been doing a very good job of it. The only thing you have to do is love your siblings. Everything else is my job, and I will do better, I promise.”
His body is wracked with tremors of emotion he isn’t old enough to deal with.
“Miles, if you ever have something bothering you, no matter what anyone says to you, you have to come to me, okay? I will never punish you for telling me the truth, do you understand?”
He nods against my shirt.
“It wasn’t fair of your mom to say that to you. But I promise, I’ll never lie to you, okay? And as far as Uncle Nick, he had no right to blame you for anything. He’s the adult who made bad decisions, not you. And he’ll be punished for hurting you.”
“Do you think Mommy will come back?” No kid should ever sound this broken.
“I don’t know, buddy. I just don’t know. But I promise you that if she does, I won’t allow her words or her actions to hurt you ever again.”
Eventually, his body goes limp in my arms, so I stand with him cradled against my chest. The fishing poles and tackle box can be put away later. I need to get back to the house and finally make a long-term plan for all of us.
Mya Fitzgerald had better hope I never cross her path again, because if I do, she won’t recognize the man she’s turned me into.
“Hey.”Rowan meets us on the stairs, but Miles doesn’t stir. “I put Kade to bed. You missed dinner, is everything okay?”
Unable to form words, I shake my head.
Concern crawls across her features as she glances from me to Miles.
“Okay.” She nods, gently patting Miles’s legs as they flop over my arm. “I’m about to drop Seren off for her sleepover at Marlo’s, and Pappy went to his room about an hour ago. I’ll find you when I get back.”
