Page 50 of Heart Strings & Hotlines
“Good.”
“You want a beer, Boone?” Rafe asks.
Beer, Boone.How is this my life?
“That would be great. Thanks.”
Boone takes the seat across from me, and Rafe hands him a beer from a small cooler at his side a moment later. I’m not much of a drinker. I leave that to my father.
We sit in uncomfortable silence for less than five minutes. Two hundred and seventy-eight seconds to be exact, before Rafe starts in on me.
“How was lunch?”
I open one eye to glare at him, then promptly close it again.How was lunch?
I replay every conversation, every light flickering overhead, every voice jarring my mind into one giant clusterfuck.
“Avalon said she met you today.”
I ignore Boone and think about Lottie and Kara. How they laughed while huddled together on one side of the booth. Even when they were laughing at me, it kept my volcano from bubbling over when what I really wanted to do was stand on top of the table and rip out the offending lightbulb that was flickering a million times a second.
“I’m not sure how lunch was,” I admit when I can’t stay silent any longer. Rafe has never pushed me, yet somehow, he’s always known that I’ll speak when I’m ready, and he’s a pillar of patience now.
“I had a hard time focusing.” I clench my fists and take a deep breath. The last thing I want to do is have this conversation in front of a stranger. “I was aware that Lottie and Kara were laughing and smiling across from me, but there was a fucking strobe light above my head. It didn’t appear to bother anyone else, but it’s all I could focus on. I could feel the light hitting my skin. Then people were yelling ‘tone’ when I ordered, and Lottie placed her hand on mine on top of the table and even though the light was still hitting me, I could hear her through the noise. I—I don’t know. I didn’t say much at lunch.”
Boone sets down his beer and leans forward.
“Thane.” Rafe says my name on a breath so heavy it could knock the siding off the house. “That’s all the sensory stuff I’ve been talking about since college. There’ve been so many advancements since you were a kid. You allowed me to install accommodations in your office. Why won’t you let me help you with everything else?”
“My sister babysits for a kid who has this stuff too.” Boone has a very deep voice, but it’s quiet and not too annoying. I reinforce my walls in case he says something dickish. “They replaced all the lighting in the house and made other accommodations too. I think he even sits on a spiky cushion or something.”
“That’s great, Boone, if I were a child.”
“This kind of stuff, the lights and sounds and overwhelm?” Rafe drags his chair closer to me. “That’s what I do every single day. You’re why I chose this path in the first place. You’re one of the best men I’ve ever known, but you’re so damn stubborn. You’ve learned so many coping mechanisms on your own out of necessity, but you’re making it so much harder than it has to be.”
“What do you mean you chose this path because of me?” Something’s lodged in my chest like a chunk of bread, even though lunch was hours ago. I continue swallowing, hoping it pushes past the resistance, but it only seems to grow.
“That’s what you latch on to? You’re not a narcissist, Thane, but you sure could pass as one for Halloween sometimes.”
I have no idea what that means. I know I’m not a narcissist. I’ve been called one enough times by women to have memorized the definition.
“You’ve always been goal-oriented, but I saw how you struggled in college. I saw how you kept yourself apart and secluded yourself then. It’s even worse now. When’s the last time you went out with friends?”
“I don’t have time for friends.” It’s so much easier when I can close them out of my little world.
“Do you know what your response was in college when I asked why you weren’t going out with so-and-so?”
I remember exactly what my response was.
“You said you didn’t have time for friends, but in reality, you struggled to see the connections you had with people. Unless they’re directly in front of you, you have a hard time acknowledging that friendship. And even in person, a hundred people could say hello to you, and have a long conversation with you, and you’d still go home believing you hadn’t left an impression on anyone. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“No.”
Boone shifts in his seat. Good, I hope he’s uncomfortable too. At least then I’m not suffering alone.
“And that’s why I became an occupational therapist.” Jesus, Rafe can drone on and on. “You can’t help yourself if you don’t know how, but I do, and that’s why I’m here. I’ve been here for fourteen years, waiting for you to ask me for help. I can give you tools that will make things easier on you.”
“Tools? Like telling me to communicate with Lottie?” I ask, shaking my head. I did talk to her, but I have no idea if ithelpedor not.
