Page 9 of A Suitable Brat
“You don’t want that?Even for a while?”Westin truly didn’t understand, or believe, that.Not with his memories full of Sun clingy and sweet after a tup, a wild creature turned tame, content to be fed and petted and to sleep in someone’s arms.
“That’s what you want,” Sun muttered, not quite under his breath.“Of course it is.”
He pushed himself out of his chair without another word and went over to the bar, where the bartender seemed happy to see him again.
Westin absently rubbed his wrist though that wouldn’t soothe the ache the rain had brought.Sun and the worker at the bar appeared to be discussing wines, not food, which Westin tried not to be vexed about, while also ignoring his own stomach’s needs.Wines were poured, evidently for Sun to taste.Westin wondered if he or Sun was going to pay for that wine and suspected neither of them would.Sun and the bartender were enjoying themselves.Tasting wines from across the country in a warmly lit room while it stormed outsidewaspeace to some.Westin shouldn’t be jealous of that.
He shouldn’tbejealous.He wasn’t the kind.Though he hadn’t avoided romance, he hadn’t expected the lifelong love of his parents, and neither was he the sort to demand a one-and-only.He never had been.
Too generous, he imagined Sun sneering, as though not demanding love or a single lover was a failure and not something perfectly normal.Just because Westin didn’tdemandsomething didn’t mean he couldn’t accept it.Or so he argued with the Sun in his head.But the fact of the matter was, Westin wasn’t territorial.
At least, he never had been.There was no point in such feelings.Some might even have said such feelings were dangerous.People like that started fights or wars, and often lost them.Ambitions, even for a single, devoted lover, were simply not something Westin had.
The Sun in his head bared his teeth before laughing at him, perhaps because Westin was watching Sun flirt while gifts from other lovers or friends twinkled at his ears, and Westin did not like it.
It was knowing this was all over, Westin told himself, as if that would cool the fire burning low inside him.He was upset because now Sun’s flirting mattered more since it wouldn’t be followed by time with Sun in the future.That was all.Westin hadn’t actuallybelievedSun was here for him, although he and Sun had agreed to meet at the barracks in a few days.A visit before winter, when traveling was more difficult and even Sun wasn’t going to want to track down Westin wherever he was and keep him company.
A small, hateful part of Westin wondered if that was why the winters seemed to have grown longer and harder for him in recent years.The larger, sensible part of Westin knew it was why Westin had stopped here instead of hurrying on to meet Sun a day sooner; he was going to have to tell Sun that he was leaving, and while Sun would be upset, he wouldn’t be nearly as upset as Westin was at the thought of never, or hardly ever, seeing him again.
Westin was far too old to be this stupid about his own feelings.
Too generous, he imagined SunandHely telling him.Hely would likely add something about how conversation was important, and Westin ought to have more of them, instead of merely listening as others talked.
A glass goblet full of red wine appeared before him.Sun set it on the table in front of Westin when Westin didn’t take it, then sat in the same chair he’d used before, but seated sideways so they weren’t facing each other.“Min behind the bar swears that this should be to your tastes, although he also said you usually only get tea.I’ve seen you have wine elsewhere, which I told him, so he chose that one for you.I also ordered more tea for you since you gave me yours.But not that blend.”He wrinkled his nose.“That was awful.”
“It’s good when you have it at just the right moment,” Westin heard himself explaining, then abandoned his point to lean over and sniff his wine.“Spicy, not sweet,” he murmured appreciatively, knowing Sun preferred sweet wines.“Thank you.”
“I can be mannerly.”Sun huffed.“Even if I’m no Hely.”
Westin paused before he could raise the glass.“Why should you be Hely?”
Sun gave a snort.“Why indeed?”
Westin pushed the wine toward him, nudging the tray of old tea out of the way first.Sun gave him a look, but picked up the wine to take a swallow.He grimaced, but had another sip before he pushed it back.
Westin had a taste as well then, the rim of the glass warm from Sun’s mouth although he wasn’t thinking about it.They’d kept this wine in oak and he sighed appreciatively for Sun to hear.
“It’s a good choice for me.Thank you again.But I get the sense that something is bothering you, brat.”
He used the nickname gently but purposefully, and wasn’t surprised when it made Sun turn to look at him.He also expected Sun to respond with a snippy retort, but if Sun had one, he kept it to himself.
“They pay people to listen here, don’t they?”He didn’t wait for an answer.“Do you?”Sun watched Westin hesitate and narrowed his eyes.But instead of a snarled or snappish opinion about that, Sun stayed serious.“Yet you’re asking aboutme?”
Westin cocked his head to the side and frowned a little, trying to understand the heat beneath the question.Most of the chats Westin had with other outguards involved him listening.He was quiet, and people assumed thatquietequaledwise.Or perhaps they didn’t think about it that much, or quiet was all they needed.But outguards spent their time investigating misdeeds or alleged misdeeds, or spying on nobles committing misdeeds.That meant they had burdens, and Westin didn’t mind helping others carry theirs.
“You’re my friend,” he finally answered.“I can listen.”
Sun’s brows came together over his wounded eyes.“So can I.”
Westin shook his head.“Of course you can.I didn’t mean to imply you couldn’t.”
“Stop being nice.”Sun worked his jaw.“This is a place to find peace or comfort, right?So which did you come here for?”
As he asked, his gaze left Westin to track something cross the room.Westin turned to see Hely paused in some errand to chat with someone at another table.
“You came here searching for peace,” Sun announced, certain.
Westin exhaled heavily.“I am here because I had to make a decision.No, that’s not true.I’m here because I made a decision, but I wasn’t happy about it.And perhaps because I wanted to delay my arrival to the capital.”
