Page 49 of Ashes of the Past
“Did you hear about Marcy and Todd?” she asks, twirling her fork.
“No, what now?”
“Apparently, she caught him sneaking out of the diner with one of the waitresses. But here’s the kicker—it was during the lunch rush.”
I nearly choke on my wine. “You’re kidding.”
“I wish I were. Marcy stormed in there the next day and dumped a pitcher of iced tea over his head. Right in front of everyone.”
I laugh so hard my sides hurt. “I don’t know whether to feel bad for her or applaud her.”
“Both,” Rachel says, raising her glass. “To Marcy, for keeping Hicks Creek interesting.”
We clink glasses, and for a while, it’s easy to forget everything else. But as the conversation winds down, Rachel gives me a knowing look.
“So,” she says, drawing the word out. “Are we going to talk about the Jack Renfrew situation, or are you just going to pretend it didn’t happen?”
I groan, sinking back into my chair. “Do we have to?”
“Oh, we absolutely have to. Girl, all I’m finding are dating disasters. Give me something good for once.”
I hesitate, swirling the wine in my glass. “We kissed,” I admit finally. “Well, more than kissed.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “Details. Now.”
“It was… intense,” I say, heat creeping into my cheeks. “I don’t know what came over me. One minute we were arguing, and the next…it happened before but this last time…it was like I couldn’t have stopped kissing him even if I wanted.”
“You were locking lips with the gruffest cowboy in town,” Rachel finishes, grinning. “Not bad, Brynn. Not bad at all.”
I laugh, but it’s short-lived. “It’s just… complicated. I don’t trust myself when it comes to men. Not after Clay.”
Her expression softens. She reaches across the table, her hand covering mine. “Brynn, it’s natural to feel scared. And after what you went through with Clay, it makes sense that you’d second-guess everything.”
“There were so many red flags that I ignored. I don’t trust my judgment.”
“That’s normal. We all do it. But listen to me. Clay’s behavior? That’s on him. It’s not your fault. You didn’t deserve any of it.”
I swallow hard, her words hitting a nerve. “I hear the words that are coming out of your mouth, but it’s so hard to…accept them.”
“Trust me, I get it. He was verbally and physically abusive, controlling…the mind fuck alone can take years to get past. Rewiring your brain is no small feat and, newsflash, you’ve done that. This version of you? Clay wouldn’t have even gotten five sentences in with you.”
“I know, but…”
“It’s hard to see your own growth. I get it. Clay is still controlling you in a way, though. He wins because you don’t want to date or even look at another man. In his head, he’s been dating whatever will take him, which means that he wasn’t the problem. We all know that’s not the case except in his twisted head.”
“It is,” I sigh. “I’m just not ready. I haven’t found a man that…”
Except for Jack Renfrew.
He’s broken through whatever impenetrable wall I once had around me.
“Because you’ve been so closed off from the possibility of getting hurt again that you, you won’t even look. I get it, though. You left Clay, lost your mom, and took over handling the ranch while also raising a child on your own, and then added in the flower shop. You buried yourself in work and life. Maybe you did that to close yourself off. Maybe it’s just the way everything fell. You’ve been through a lot, and you’ve worked so hard to heal all of that, Brynn. Why would it be so bad to allow someone into your life?”
“It’s not just Clay. It’s… cowboys in general. They’re all the same. Players, drifters, never sticking around. All the Westerns and all the country songs talk about how cowboys don’t stick around, how they don’t show emotions, and whatever else.That’s not what I want for my life or for Olivia’s. She’s already dealt with that with Clay not being around; I can’t let it happen again.”
She raises an eyebrow. “So, you’re basing your life decisions on a Toby Keith song?”
I blink, then burst out laughing. “When you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous.”
