Page 53 of Ashes of Us
I’d earned the right to stop bleeding over it.
"Sullivan." Captain Carter's voice from across the bay. "Got a minute?"
I set down the rag and followed him to his office. He closed the door behind us and gestured to a chair.
“Caleb looked good out there today," Carter said, settling behind his desk.
"He's learning fast."
"Because you're teaching him well." Carter leaned back in his chair, studying me. "You've come a long way this year. You know that, right?"
I shifted in the seat. "I'm just doing the job."
"You're doing more than that." He tapped his desk. "I see you, Sullivan. You train hard, but you're not obsessive about it anymore. You go out with the guys, keep things light, but you also keep them from making dumb decisions—work and personal. And I know you've been seeing Dr. Taylor.”
I stiffened slightly at the mention of the department psychologist. I'd started going five months ago, weekly sessions that had turned into bi-weekly when things stabilized.
“Relax, that's not a criticism," Carter said. “Far from it. It’s taking care of your mental health so you can do the jobright, so you can be present for your crew." He leaned forward. "When you showed up here, you were running from something. Working yourself into the ground, isolating, barely holding it together. That's not who you are anymore.”
I didn't know what to say to that.
"The rookies respect you. The crew trusts you. You show up present, you make good calls under pressure, and you give a shit about the people around you." He paused. "That's leadership, Sullivan, whether you see it or not."
"Captain—"
"I'm not blowing smoke. I'm telling you what I see." He pulled a file folder from his desk drawer and set it between us. "And apparently, I'm not the only one."
I looked at the folder but didn't reach for it.
"Morrison called me last week," Carter said. "Asked about you. Wanted to know how you were doing, if you'd turned yourself around. I told him the truth…” He paused, then smiled. “That you're one of the best firefighters I've got."
My chest tightened. "Why was he asking?"
Carter opened the folder and slid it across the desk. "He's retiring. And he wants you to take over Station 47 as Captain."
The words didn't make sense. I stared at the papers in front of me: official transfer request forms, promotion paperwork, Morrison's signature at the bottom.
"Me?" My voice came out rough. "He wants me?"
"He does. Says you were one of his best before... everything. And he's been keeping tabs on you this year. Wanted to make sure you'd gotten your shit together before he reached out." Carter leaned back. "I told him you had. More than that, you'd become the kind of firefighter other people look up to."
I couldn't process this. Morrison, Station 47, Captain.
"I know what you're thinking," Carter said. "Riverside, and your ex, and all the reasons you left."
I was thinking exactly that. Piper's bakery on Main Street. The apartment we used to share overlooking Lavender Creek. The possibility of running into her at the grocery store, at a coffee shop, anywhere. She'd made it clear she didn't want me in her life. Going back felt like violating that.
"She's there," I said finally. "She built a life there. I can't just?—"
"You can. And maybe you should." He leaned forward. "Riverside is a town of sixty thousand people. You can be there and leave her alone. Keep your distance and do your job." He paused. "Or you can stay here, keep your head down, and wonder if you're still that guy who runs when things get hard."
I looked down at the papers. Captain at Station 47.
"Morrison wants an answer by Friday," Carter said. "That gives you four days to think about it." He stood up, came around the desk. "But Sullivan? You've spent the last year proving you're not the guy who destroyed his life anymore. Maybe it's time to prove you're not the guy who runs from it either."
CHAPTER 21: PIPER
Forty-three laps.
