Page 24 of Ashes of Us
So why did it feel so wrong?
"Knock knock." A voice at my door. I looked up to see Eleanor, the other second-grade teacher. She taught 2A next door, and we'd been work friends for years—shared lesson plans, vented about difficult parents, covered each other's classes when needed.
"Hey," I said, mustering a smile.
She stepped inside and closed the door behind her. "Okay, real talk. How are you actually doing?"
"Everyone keeps asking me that."
"Because everyone's worried. But most of them are being weird about it." She pulled up a student chair and sat down. "I'm not going to be weird. I'm just going to ask: are you okay?"
I opened my mouth to give her the same line I'd been giving everyone.I'm fine. Really.
But Eleanor was looking at me with actual concern, not pity. And suddenly I was tired of lying.
"I don't know," I said. "I don't think so."
She nodded. "Fair. You called off your wedding. You'd be a robot if you were fine."
“I called it off just five weeks before the wedding," I said. "Everyone keeps leaving that part out."
"Jesus." She shook her head. "I'm sorry. That's... that's brutal."
"Yeah."
"Is it weird being back?"
"So weird." I gestured around the room. "This used to be my favorite thing. Setting up the classroom, planning lessons, getting excited about a new group of kids. And now I'm just... going through the motions."
"That makes sense. You've been through trauma."
"It wasn't trauma. It was just a breakup."
"Piper." Eleanor leaned forward. "You found your fiancé cheating on you, and you canceled your wedding. Your entire life imploded. That’s trauma."
I looked down at my hands. "I'm supposed to be over it by now."
"Says who? The grief police?" She shook her head. "There's no timeline for this. You're allowed to still be messed up about it."
"I just want to feel normal again."
"You will, eventually. But maybe not by forcing yourself to show up and pretend everything's fine." She paused. "Have you thought about taking some time? Brennan said he'd approve a leave if you needed it."
"And do what? Sit at my sister's apartment and spiral?"
"Or... do something for yourself. Something you actually want to do."
I thought about the kitchen covered in baked goods. About Maya's suggestion and the nine thousand dollars that I hadn’t spent on a wedding.
"I've been baking," I said quietly. "A lot. Like, obsessively."
Eleanor’s face lit up. "Oh my God, you brought those lemon bars to the end-of-year party. Those were insane."
"Thanks."
"No, like, actually insane. I ate four of them. My husband asked if I could get the recipe." She tilted her head. "Are you thinking about doing something with that?"
"Maybe. I don't know. It's stupid."
