Page 44 of More Than a Friend
I don’t want to keep my kids from their dad, but if it’s doing more harm to them, I don’t know if I’ll have much of a choice.
I check to make sure there’s no evidence of me crying before I get out of my car and head to the kindergarten pick up area. Assoon as Gus sees me, he gives his teacher a high-five and runs to me, wrapping his arms around my legs in a death grip.
“Hey, buddy. Did you have a good day?”
He shakes his head against my legs.
“Let’s get in the car, and we can talk about it before we get Zo. Okay?”
He nods his head and takes my hand as I lead him to the car. I help him into the back and lean against the door while he buckles.
“I talked to Dad today. He told me what happened at church.”
Gus’s head whips up to mine, and his eyes widen with panic.
I place my hand on his face and stroke my thumb along his cheek. “It’s okay, bud. I’m not upset. I wish you would have told me, but I understand why you didn’t. You were scared to tell me, weren’t you?”
“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings,” he whispers, twisting a loose string around his tiny finger. He won’t look at me, and my heart breaks a little more.
“I appreciate you sparing my feelings, buddy. But it was hurtingyou.I’m a little bit better at knowing my emotions, and you’re still learning, which means it’s my job to help teach you. I want you to come to me if you feel sad again, okay? I don’t want you to hurt on your own.”
“Okay.”
“You remember how I told you I used to go to church?” He nods, so I continue, “Well, I used to be scared something would happen, and I wouldn’t see my family again. But when I stopped going to church, I realized they’re lying. They don’t know exactly what will happen. They’re just trying to scare people into following their rules.”
Gus’s little face morphs into an indignant scowl. “That’s not nice!”
“I know. They aren’t being very good people. So you can choose to believe what they teach you when you go to church with Dad, or you can come home and talk to me, then we can talk about it together. I’ll answer any questions you have, all right?”
“Okay.” He looks up at me with a frown still on his face. “Do I have to sleep alone tonight, since you know why I’ve been so sad?”
I swear to a god I don’t believe in, my heart shatters into a million tiny pieces.
“No, buddy. You can sleep with me as long as you need to. But I hope you start to feel better about sleeping in your room soon because my bed isn’t big enough for all of us.”
“Okay. I’ll try.”
“I love you, Gus. You know that?”
“Yes. I love you, too.”
I give him a hug before I climb in the driver’s seat, and we head to Zoe’s daycare.
When it’s time to go to bed, he climbs into mine but promises he’ll sleep in his room tomorrow.
I remind him he can sleep with me as long as he needs to. I want him to feel safe. His safety and well-being are more important than anything else, and I’ll gladly sacrifice my sleep for my kids.
Someday soon, I hope Skylar will be snuggled up on the other side of him.
Maybe I should get a bigger bed.
Chapter 21
Ava
Friday evening,while waiting for Skylar to come over, I stand in my closet and debate whether or not to change into comfy clothes or sexy pajamas.
This is the first time Skylar is coming over as my girlfriend, so it feels like I should be in the “always impress” phase.
