Page 39 of More Than a Friend
“You go first,” she offers.
“Where do we go from here, Aves? Do we go back to being friends or…” I trail off. I’m scared to voice the quiet part out loud.Do we become more than friends? Do we have a chance at a real relationship?
“Well… I guess… it’s a decision we need to make together. I don’t want to go back to being just friends, but I don’t want to assume anything. My life is still kind of a mess since the divorce, and I know you don’t want kids?—”
“Woah, woah, woah. Hold on. I never said I don’t want kids.”
Ava’s brows furrow in confusion. “You’ve said before you never want to have kids of your own.”
“Let me clarify something, then. I never want to bepregnant.I don’t want to have biological children. But Ava, Iloveyour kids. They’re the best tiny humans I know.”
Ava blows out a breath of relief. “Okay. That’s good. They love you, too, you know. I was so worried when I started datingthat whoever I was with would see them as baggage, but my kids and I are a package deal.”
“I want the whole package, Aves. You wouldn’t be you without your kids, and I don’t see them as baggage at all. They’re an amazing bonus.”
“If we do this, I wouldn’t want to introduce you as my girlfriend right away. I think we’d need to go slow, especially since their dad just introduced a new partner to them. But I don’t want to hide our relationship, either.”
I give in to my urge to touch her, grabbing her hand and intertwining it with mine. “I’ll go at whatever pace you need, Ava. As long as I get to do it with you.”
Chapter 18
Ava
After our heartto heart and a heavy make out session, we decided to go to sleep. It was almost two in the morning by the time we turned off the light.
When my alarm rang at seven, I woke up with Skylar’s plush body pressed to my back, her arm slung over my hip, and our fingers intertwined.
It was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a while, even if it was only five hours.
Now, we’re settled at Skylar’s kitchen counter, eating avocado toast with a perfectly fried egg on top, and she’s made my coffee to perfection.
We’ve been stealing kisses and trading gentle touches, and my face heats every time, even though I love it.
I love the calm domesticity of sharing a space with Skylar. It makes me regret saying we need to take things slow.
But we do, right?
I can’t be rushing into this just because I’ve had feelings for her for almost two years. I can’t do that to the kids. They’d be confused.
Or is this my anxiety talking?
Skylar already comes over frequently, so would it really matter if she came aroundmore?I think the kids would love having Auntie Sky around more. It’s not like we’re going to do anything past a few chaste kisses or holding hands.
The problem I’m facing is the internalized homophobia I still feel sometimes. The voices of people who have said shitty things about gay people.
You’ll confuse your kids.
You’d be pushing a lifestyle on them.
You’ll make them gay.
Logically, I know being with Skylar wouldn’t be pushing anything on my kids. My relationship with a woman will not determine their sexuality. It wouldn’t confuse them beyond the general, age appropriate confusion with kids and romance.
It would be no different than if I were to date a man.
Actually, itwouldbe different than if I were to date a man. I don’t recall any men—besides Shea—who I haveeverbeen as close to as Skylar.
Would it really be better if I dated a total stranger than dating my best friend? They already know Skylar. They alreadyloveSkylar.
