Page 43 of More Than a Friend
“Anytime, baby. I’ll text you updates.”
“You’re going to be the death of me,” she grumbles with no heat as she opens the door to the closet.
As we walk out and go our separate ways, all I can think is I might be the death of her, but that woman?
She’s my life.
Chapter 20
Ava
I swearthis week has dragged on more than usual. Maybe it’s because Skylar’s been holed up with the rest of the legal team in preparation for the hearing. Maybe it’s because something’s off with Gus after he spent the weekend with his dad.
Gus has slept great in his own room since he was three years old, and suddenly, he’s refusing to sleep anywhere other than in my bed, so Zoe feels like she’s entitled to sleep there, too.
He usually loves school, but he hasn’t wanted to go. He tells me he just wants to be with me, and he’s worried he won’t see me again because something bad might happen.
Iknowsomething happened at Shea’s house and it’s why Gus is suddenly so anxious, but Gus won’t tell me what happened. When I ask, he changes the subject or just shrugs and tells me he doesn't want to talk about it.
By Wednesday, I’ve had enough, so I call Shea after work while I’m on my way to pick up Gus from school.
“What do you need, Ava?” he answers.
I’m taken aback by his harsh tone. “I can call back if you’re busy.”
“No, it’s fine. I just have a meeting in twenty minutes, so I can’t talk for long.”
“That’s fine. I was just wondering if something happened while Gus and Zoe were at your house this weekend. Gus has been more anxious than usual. He’s been asking to sleep in my bed and hasn’t wanted to go to school. He keeps saying he’s worried he won’t see me again because something bad might happen.”
I hear Shea’s frustrated sigh. “He’s six, Ava. I don’t have any idea why he’s acting like that. Tell him to toughen up. He’ll be fine.”
“I willnotbe telling our six-year-old to toughen up when something is clearly bothering him! Did you say that to him when he mentioned something was wrong?”
“Of course I did. We took them to church on Sunday—as usual—and he came out of class crying because his teacher told him his family won’t be together forever. He said he’s afraid when you die, he’ll never see you again since you aren’t in the church anymore. I told him to toughen up because sometimes the truth hurts.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me this?” Ibarelykeep myself from screaming at him. Why the hell would he not tell me? Why wouldn’t Gus tell me someone said something like this?
There’s rustling of papers and the squeak of a chair on the other end of the line before Shea responds, “Of course not. What good would telling you have done?”
“I could have given him reassurance! God, no wonder he asked me if you and I were ever going to get back together. What kind of teacher tells a six-year-old they’ll never see their parents again, Shea?”
“Well, the doctrine is pretty clear about what will happen to those who deny the church, Ava. You left the church, which means you won’t be with your kids again in the CelestialKingdom. You made your choices, and now you have to deal with the consequences. But so do our kids—your parents,me. Maybe you should have thought about that before you broke up our eternal family.”
My temples throb with frustration. He told me the same thing when I said I wanted a divorce. He tried to guilt me into staying with him with the threat that I won’t get to be with my kids for eternity.
This is why I didn’t want to raise our kids in the church. The same fear-mongering rhetoric I was taught is being drilled into their heads, and it’s causing my child to have severe anxiety.
“I have to go, Ava. August will have to learn to deal with the hard facts. So will you, since it’s your fault we won’t be together as a family. I’ll see you next weekend.”
Before I can say anything, he hangs up.
Tears float along my lash line, and a singular blink spills them over.
I’ll never regret having Gus and Zoe. They’re the light of my life, and I love being their mom.
But I do regret having them while I was still part of a religion that uses scare tactics and guilt to keep people from leaving.
I swipe away the wetness from my cheeks. Now I know why Gus has been so anxious, and I can work on helping him get through the fear. It’s going to be hard to disentangle the church’s harm, especially since his dad takes him every other week. I really need to get him in with a therapist. Can I legally keep Shea from taking them to church? I’ll have to ask Sky or Mr. Jolley if I have any legal standing on that front.
