Page 82 of Forty and Fighting Dirty
That evening wasone of the hardest of my life. I’d thought the days of me pretending to be happy as I served Jacob and my boys dinner were over. I’d thought I was living life more honestly now, that I’d guarded myself against the mistakes I’d made before.
I was such a fool.
Jacob watched me through dinner, speaking to me and our boys as if nothing had changed. When bedtime came and went, and I finally told Nate and Alec to go brush their teeth, Jacob walked with me to the front door. He donned his jacket and shoes, then lingered by the door, eyes seeing more than I wanted him to.
“You look tired, Piper.”
I huffed. “Words every woman loves to hear.”
“I’m just saying. Are you sure you made the right decision by coming here?”
My jaw ached as I clenched it. “Goodnight, Jacob.” I opened the door for him. “I’ll have the boys ready for you to pick them up in the morning.”
“You could spend the day with us,” Jacob said. “Like old times.”
He stood in my house, looking dapper and innocent, promising a return to the past like he hadn’t been the main reason for my unhappiness. And, fool that I was, I’d gone and traded him for another version of the same thing.
This time, the man I’d fallen for didn’t try to keep me at home. Not yet, anyway. But he had power over my employment, my housing, my life. He positioned himself as the hero, driving me to the hospital, putting snow tires on my old car, tying my Christmas tree down for transport, supporting me at work, and all the other thousand things he’d done while muscling his way into every corner of my life.
Now, when he wasn’t happy with me, he turned the screws to make sure I felt the pressure. He wanted me to know he was in control.
I felt sick. I felt so stupid for falling for it again.
“Look, I don’t know how to say this, Piper, but…”
I blinked and met my ex-husband’s gaze. “But?”
His brows arched, sympathy written in every line of his expression. “I wanted to come up here, not just to see the boys, but to see how you were doing, too.”
I stiffened. “I see.” Moving closer to the door, I put my fingers on the handle and gave him a tight smile. “I’m fine.”
Jacob ignored my clear cue that it was time for him to leave. “You don’t seem fine. And I get it. The divorce wastough on me too. But you made your point, baby. Don’t you think it’s time for you to come home? For us to be a family again? I know I wasn’t the best husband. I worked way too much. But I’ll take more days off. I’ll be there. Just come home.”
A hot, hollow feeling filled my chest. I was glad my hand could grip the door handle, because the floor suddenly tilted under my feet.
Was he for fucking real?
He thought that this was, what? A tantrum? Me pouting so I could have my way because I wanted him to come home from work an hour earlier each day?
Jacob took a step toward me and crashed into the palm I lifted to block him. He had the gall to look hurt.
“Let me be very clear,” I said in a low voice, so very, very conscious that my boys were just upstairs. “There’s no coming home for me. There are no days off or empty promises that will make me come scurrying back to your arms. I was alone in our marriage foryears, Jacob. My needs were pushed aside and glossed over. The time to make changes was long, long before we went through with the divorce.”
“You’re tearing our family apart,” he said, and a floorboard creaked upstairs. “This has gone far enough. Stop being so crazy, Piper. Be reasonable.”
Reasonable. He wanted me to be reasonable. I guessed to him, that meant becoming a shell of myself and dedicating my life to his happiness. It meant pretending I didn’t have thoughts and hopes and dreams and needs of my own. It meant always coming last.
I opened the door. “You’re not welcome in my home anymore. It’s time for you to leave.”
“You’re such a bitch, Piper,” he sneered. “I’m just trying to fix the thing you broke. I came all the way here?—”
“To see your sons,” I finished for him. “And I’ll never stop you from doing that. Goodnight, Jacob.”
Snow drifted over the threshold on a gust of cold wind. Jacob stared at me, fury lighting his eyes with dark fire. I met his gaze and didn’t flinch.
I realized a change had occurred inside me. No part of me wanted to duck my head and cower. Never again would I make myself small to spare someone else’s feelings. I wouldn’t sacrifice my entire life and happiness just to act as a prop in a man’s perfect life.
I would, however, fall for the same old tricks while I wished for a perfect life of my own.
