Page 111 of Facing Off
“—I didn’t want to admit to myself how crappy that relationship made me feel. Part of that was me not having enough confidence in myself back then, but you?” Kavi smiles at me. “You’ve always been so sure of yourself, like the most stubbornly sure. And that’s helped you accomplish a lot, but I also think it makes it worse if you’re struggling. Because you think you just need to bemoresure andmorestubborn and everything will get better, but that isn’t necessarily the solution, Sonya. Sometimes you can’t figure it out on your own. Sometimes you should ask for help. And guess what?” Her smile’s brighter than before, impossibly brighter. “People who love youliketo be bothered. Bother them with your stuff, because here’s a secret….They’re notactuallybothered.”
My fingers splay out on the blanket. It’s as if she’s snuck inside me and knows how I think.
“Can you tell me?” she pleads. “What’s been going on?”
“Okay.”
We wrap ourselves up more cosily in blankets as Iexplain. Because it’s me, I’m not dwelling on feelings. More so summarizing the events as succinctly as I can.
When I’m done, Kavi looks me in the eye. “Fair warning, I’m going to hug you. It’s going to be a long one. I might blubber a little.” She carries out her threat and promises, “I’m going to be there at your audition. Don’t argue, you just have to accept it. Also, screw Madame Kozlova! What a snake! I hate her. She doesn’t know what she’s done, letting you go.” She takes a deep breath before continuing. “You’re incredible and resilient and a fantastic dancer no matter what. These yips are only a temporary setback. She should’ve believed in you and stood by you. Doesn’t she know you’re an unstoppable force? Because you are.”
My face sinks into her sweater. I’m hiding my eyes. They’ve gone misty.
Why does it keep surprising and moving me that there’s this person, this best friend who aggressively believes in me, defends me, and thinks I can conquer the world? What have I done to earn this? I know Kavi would tell me I don’t need to earn it at all, but there’s so much gratitude expanding inside me right now, I don’t know where to put it. This friendship doesn’t feel like a friendship, but a lifeline; one I’ve always poured myself into but was afraid to rely on, rather wanting Kavi to have me as a source ofherstrength instead.
“What do you need today?” Kavi asks, releasing me from the hug.
I rub my nose with the back of my hand. “Honestly, maybe a distraction. I don’t want to think about any of it for once.”
We look at each other.
Kavi exclaims, “More drinks!”
My mouth curves. I’m nodding and lifting my glass.Another round is poured, music is turned up, and now we’re pulling possible outfits and tossing them aside.
Kavi holds up a sparkly minidress. “So, about Adrian. He’s…”
“…as annoying as ever.”
“When are you going to have sex?”
“Kavi!”
She giggles. “What! You’ve explained all very properly about the scales balancing thing, but c’mon. Tell me you haven’t thought about it.”
“I haven’t.”
(I have.)
“Oh yeah?” Kavi raises her eyebrows.
I throw a leather skirt in her direction. She’s saying this and she doesn’t even knowallthe details yet. I didn’t exactly mention the robe incident. That I felt firsthand evidence of a curve. How Hughes gave me a semi-strip show. And, perhaps, the most scandalous and shocking offense of all. We held hands at the game earlier today. Not that I could talk about the last one. It would reveal what Adrian felt and his past would come up.Jesse. I’d never betray his confidence like that.
“Look—” I lower my voice and glance around, as if afraid the hockey captain might pop out from behind a mini-fridge somehow. “He’s not terrible. Without his help, Team Nutcracker?—”
“Hilarious name, by the way. Adorable that you go with it?—”
“There were shirts made! I can’t complain now?—”
“That’s usually not enough to stop you, but back to the point.” Kavi pinches herself. “Am I dreaming, or was that the first compliment I’ve heard you give him?”
“Don’t get used to it,” I grumble, my cheeks heating up.
“Why not?” Kavi asks, her face sobering all of a sudden. “I think he likes you, Sonya.”
“No.” The rest of my body heats up as I wave her off. “Remember I’m the one woman who’s ever turned him down. He’s probably chasing after what he can’t have.”
Kavi pulls out a tank top and sniffs it, seeing if it can handle another wear. “So he’s helping you to get into your pants? Is that what you think?”
