Page 30 of Facing Off
“I was worried,” he says.
“I know. I’m a shitty sister?—”
“Hey,” he interrupts. “Don’t call my sister any names.”
Kavi’s there, too. He passes her the phone.
“Am I being a bad friend? I don’t mean to.” I ask her.
“Never,” she promised. “Are you okay? How’s ballet going?”
“Great,” I lie. “We’ll catch up when you’re back, I promise.”
They don’t push for more details, because they don’t know about my fall. Hughes didn’t tell them.
I’m glad.
Because earlier today was just a fluke.
Because it has to be.
Tomorrow, everything will go back to normal.
13
SONYA
It takestwo days to get back to normal.
But my plié, ronds de jambe, fondus, port de bras. Off the barre, my glissade, and tendu execute perfectly.
There’s a break for lunch, but I don’t take it. I can’t stop, even if my abs, hamstrings, adductors, and spine ache like they’ve been dug at for hours. When class ends, I continue.
Madame Kozlova nods in approval.
I’m not the only one who doesn’t slow down, fogging up the windows of the studio. Beside me, Robert Chang is rising onto the balls of his feet to work on his relevé. He’s also a soloist, desperate to become a principal.
That’s because while soloists are outstanding, principals are the absolute best. The most difficult steps and most challenging roles are assigned to them. They possess the audience’s eyes when moving across the stage.
Robert and I practice our expressions in the mirror.
They’re sickly sweet smiles. The kind of smiling that if attempted in my non-ballet life, people would accuse me of being body-snatched by a clone. Or wonder if I’ve gone ill,diagnosed with a terminal personality-swapping illness. Which begs the question, for someone who hates everything about openly expressing emotions other than reserved amounts of contempt, why am I a ballerina? Whythiscareer?
Simple.
It’s because a ballerina is so polished and poised that everyone watches them with disbelief, because how do they do it? How do they rise on their toes to stand en pointe, stay like that, and then leap on stage as if they can magic all their heaviness in and out of existence. None of it is delicate if you look closely enough. It’s all controlled explosions of power made to look delicate. Effortless. So inspiring that it can’t be dismissed.Youcan’t be dismissed.
And principals? They are the superstars at the top of the pyramid, remembered for their greatness.
I’m going to be one of them, and when interviewed in the press and they ask me who I attribute my success to, I’m going to turn my finger around and point it proudly at myself.
Sonya is the first South Asian principal, because she’s capable of accomplishing anything and everything on her own.
Madame Kozlova snaps her fingers.
There are only six of us left in the studio now. Her private class of protégés. We’re the dancers Madame Kozlova is banking her reputation on and putting forward to audition for Bob Pepita’s final ballet.
Three men across three women. Pairs dancing together—the pas de deux.
