Page 70 of Facing Off
Because regardless, like always, I have to get it together and push ahead. Focus on the priorities I can’t ignore, and try to forget what I can’t have.
28
ADRIAN
We’rein the rage room, and Sonya takes a deep breath like she’s trying to pull herself together. “What do you mean? How do I get you to tell me things?”
Her throat bobs, and the look in her eyes is pointed, but also tentatively weary like she’s cautiously open to hearing what I’m about to say next.
My heart pounds. It’s my chance to be honest. To tell her that I’m into her and only her, and that she makes me drop the cocky act I keep up around others. How I’ve told her things I’ve never admitted to anyone else.
But I also haven’t forgotten her panic attack. It feels like if I say anything now, I’m shoving my feelings at her after she pulled herself back together.
“How are you feeling, darling?” I ask softly, careful.
It’s the wrong thing to ask. Calling her darling slips out too easily.
She goes rigid. Any vulnerability she might’ve had shut down. A door slammed.
I clench my teeth, not prepared for how muchthatsucks. My hands raise. “Wait, Sonya. I didn’t mean to?—”
“You’re right.” She’s straightening and nodding stiffly. “I can’t stay here forever. It’s time that I get back to the real world and face it.”
She’s brushing past me, and I’m following her out, kicking myself mentally. Fuck me, why did I just do that?
“I’ll catch a cab,” says Sonya. “You don’t have to drive me home.”
I try to block her exit, but she sidesteps me, averting her gaze. “Don’t, Hughes. I need to be alone.”
Regret has me by the throat, choking me. Because, for a minute there, I was Adrian to Sonya. Now I’m back to being Hughes.
She leaves quickly, and I’m stuck behind staring at her. Feeling like a goddamn cowardly knucklehead with his foot stuck in his mouth.
“You okay, Mr. Hughes?” the front desk attendant asks me. “You’ve gone pale.”
No, I’m not okay.
For the next two days, I try getting Sonya to open up to me again.
ME
Hey! Has Madame Kozlova reached out at all? Have you thought about what you’ll do for the audition next month?
SONYA
Don’t worry, it’s all good.
ME
Do you need anything?
SONYA
I already said I was good.
ME
But are you actually good??? You can talk to me!
