Page 87 of Tragic Empire
My husband possesses the uncanny ability to tell me exactly what I need to hear, and I don’t understand what I could have possibly done to deserve it. Insecurity nags at my mind, picking and prodding mercilessly. These past two days have pulled fragile strings inside of me, and it’s all bubbling to the surface, aided by a single nightmare.
“How can you even look at me?” I rasp, peering at him with tear filled eyes. “Knowing I’m a killer? Knowing I’m nother?”
His strong hands twitch around the sides of my face. “Honestly, Ana, I find it hard to lookawayfrom you.”
He’s so firm in his statement, the words hitting me straight in the chest. He really means it. Overcome with emotions that are too potent to bury, I wrap my fingers around his wrists, trying to keep him close.
“I love you,” I confess, feeling a tear fall. “I know it’s too soon, and I know you might not be there yet. But I love you so much, Cassio. I didn’t even know it was possible to feel this way. My chest feels like it’s going to explode half the time I’m with you, and I’m never as happy when you’re not around.”
“Ana—”
“Let me finish,” I plead. I’m not ready to face his possible rejection. “You don’t have to say it back. I just… I love everything about you, Cassio. The way you know how I like my food, the soft touches you share with me to let me know you’re here, andgod, I love how you look at me. I know you might need more time, and I know what you had before was stronger than what I had with Cole, but I just?—”
“I don’t need more time, Ana,” he professes softly, cutting in. “I’ve never needed more time. As soon as I bound myself to you, I was all in.”
Stunned by his response, my lips pop open. “W-what?”
“I love you too,” Cassio confesses.
“You do?” I breathe out. “Why?”
He chuckles, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, his fingers brushing my cheek bone as they go.
“Why? Isn’t it obvious?”
My head shakes. “Tell me.”
“There are too many reasons to list,” Cassio says softly. “You’re beautiful, funny, and intelligent. You care about the people you keep close, even if you’re quiet about it. Like the way you always make sure there is dinner left for me when I come home, and how you watch basketball with Armani and Colton even though you hate sports.”
“Basketball isn’t so bad,” I say, flushing under his attention.
“I love that when you’re still sleepy in the morning, you cuss almost exclusively in your strange little British terms,” he continues. “Armani still won’t stop laughing about the time you called him ableeding pea-brained tosser.”
“He was being a git,” I mumble, smothering a smile. “Holding my morning tea hostage, he was asking for it.”
“I like that you hate to cook, so that I can do it for you. I love that you think spiders are scarier than bears, and that you scream just as loud at lady bugs being in the apartment as you would for a cockroach.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” I say with a disgusted shiver.
Cassio, Armani and Colton were all present for the great lady bug incident of two weeks ago. Agnes keeps this place impeccably cleaned, but insects still occasionally slip in when doors open and close. A lady bug had made it through the cracks apparently, and landed right on my arm one evening after dinner. I screamed so hard that my throat hurt for two days.
“What happened in the past is in the past, Ana,” Cassio says, tone becoming firmer. “When I think about the future, I don’t think about what could have been with her. I think about whatwillbe with you.”
Oh, my heart…
“I think about us too,” I admit, trying not to get choked up.
Cassio grins. “I think about how many memories we’ll make, all the food you’ll get mad at and throw, the many ways I’ll find you passed out around our home.” He pauses, waiting for my responding giggle to pass.
“I think about how in a few years from now, some adorable little child at that orphanage is going to burst your heart wide open, and what room we’re going to put them in when you can’t bear not to bring them home.”
Here come the tears.
“Cole and Isobel are always going to be in our hearts. They’re our past, and our memory of them won’t just disappear. But that doesn’t mean what we have isn’t real or all consuming, because it is. The way I love you, baby… it’s confounding.”
It’s as if the nightmare didn’t happen at all, the way pure joy radiates through me, settling happily in my chest. Launching myself at him, I tackle Cassio to his back and plant my lips on his. He chuckles against my kiss, one hand dropping from my face to my hip, holding me close.
“My vicious little wife,” he teases. “So strong, aren’t you?”
