Page 97 of Tragic Empire
Nodding mutely, I blow out a breath and dry my face.
“There was this picture…”
Leon listens with rapt attention as I go through my story, never interrupting, even as I pause to collect myself. He gives me every bit of his undivided attention, and soaks up the retelling in a comfortable silence.
“And I just fucking left,” I finish, rubbing a heavy hand down my face. “I didn’t want her to see me like this, but I shouldn’t have run off without a word of explanation.”
“You hardly abandoned her,” Leon replies slowly. “She’s with Armani and Colton. And it isn’t like you left without reason. You’ll return within the hour, it’s okay, Cass.”
His reasoning assuages some of my guilt.
“I’m supposed to go with her to the orphanage soon,” I grimace, pressing the heels of my palms into my eyes, rubbing. “How the hell am I supposed to handle seeing her there? The kids all love her, I know they do. And I couldn’t see apictureof her holding that baby without… fuck!”
Leon doesn’t react to my outburst, only moving slightly to squeeze my arm in support. He’s always been good at silent solace, like a rock to crash against. I don’t know how he does it.
But maybe I do, maybe I’ve done something similar for Ana.
“I thought I was past this,” I admit, throat choking up. “I’m supposed to be the one being strong for her. How can I do that if I’m breaking down like this, Leon?”
“You needed a minute to break.”
“Yeah,” I chuckle humorlessly. “A minute until the orphanage sends me into a fucking spiral too.”
“The picture was of an infant boy, still wet from birth, Brother,” he reasons. “It wasn’t seeing Ana with a baby that triggered you. You’ve seen her with Cesar and Isobella. None of the other pictures made you react this way. It hit too close to home, but it’s not going to happen again.”
I swallow hard, trying to digest his point.
“Ana isn’t going to help someone through a spontaneous birth again, and even if you see that picture again, it won’t hurt the same. We adapt and we overcome, it’s in our fucking blood, Cassio. You’re stronger than the past, you know you are.”
Maybe I am, but maybe I’m not.
But I know one thing for certain. Without Ana, I’mnothing.
ChapterThirty-One
Cassio
“Ican’t fucking lose her, Leon,” I croak, letting the brutal honesty flow from me. My freak out today wasn’t just because I saw an infant that reminded me of Angel, it was seeing Ana—my Ana—holding him.
One glance at a years old picture and I was assaulted with the thought of my wife in Isobel’s place. My mind taunted me with the idea of being cursed. I could get Ana pregnant, and she could end up dying in my fucking arms… all my fault. The mental torture brought me to my goddamn knees.
“I barely made it through before. With my son and Isobel, I felt like I was going to die. But Ana? Jesus Christ, I can’t. Itwillkill me. I mean it.”
“You love her,” he states simply.
“Too much,” I confess. “Way too fucking much, man. It’s different than before. She’s not just my wife, she’s like alimb, Leon. I need her.”
I can’t believe I’m even admitting this out loud, even to one of my most trusted brothers. Isobel was supposed to be my one, and she was, but falling for Ana wasn’t something I could escape. It’s not something I would everwantto escape now that I’ve experienced it. I didn’t think there were levels to being in love, and maybe levels is the wrong way to describe it.
All I know is, Ana can’t leave me. I need her like I need oxygen. Waking up next to her is what gives me the ability to get through each and every day. The way she looks at me, the way her every touch feels, I need all of it. I crave it more than anything else.
I expected to come to care for her. I knew she was a sweet girl, and I knew in helping her that I would develop some kind of emotions toward her. But this? This undying devotion and utter passion that I have for her? I couldn’t have seen this coming. And when she confessed she felt the same? It was like experiencing true heaven on earth for the first time in my life.
“You two need to talk,” Leon advises after a moment of silence. “I know I’m not exactly the picture of a perfect husband, but if your relationship is going to work, you have to lay all your cards out. Have you talked about kids? At all?”
I feel the blood drain from my face and he shakes his head.
“Yeah, I figured.”
