Page 37 of Darkness I Become
“You’re abravelittle viper,” he said. “I hate that you’ve had to be…but there aren’t many women—hell, manypeople—who would’ve stood up to Angel the way you did. Right now, you’re afraid of your own darkness, but one day, you’ll learn to embrace it. You’ll use it to survive impossible odds. That’s real power.”
Cade stood and pulled her to her feet.
“Now, the real work begins.”
He didn’t lie. The next four weeks were the hardest, most exhausting weeks of Asha’s life, and for a woman who’d been sold into slavery and endured Angel’s wrath, that was saying something.
Cade took her training seriously, and he put her through a brutal, crash-course bootcamp that left her falling into bed in the evenings, asleep before she hit the mattress. She still woke every night from terrifying nightmares, but at least he was there to hold her hand, fetchher some water, and talk to her until she fell back asleep. He told her more stories about his time in the military at the Delta, and about his mother, who he’d obviously loved dearly. Asha knew she was dead, but Cade clearly hadn’t wanted to talk about it, so she let him be. Still, she wondered if her death had influenced his decision to leave.
Every morning now, he woke her at the crack of dawn and had her run laps, followed by intense strength training in the backyard. He joined in, completing his own daily training tasks, but otherwise he mostly acted like the worst motivational speaker ever as Asha tried to force her body to accomplish things she’d never thought possible. He even put Dom in charge of the usual training drills with the men so that he could focus solely on grinding Asha’s bones into dust, or at least, that was how it felt to her.
“You can do five more reps,” Cade said sternly to Asha, who lay on her stomach in the grass, having just completed so many push-ups that she’d lost count.
“Fuck you,” she gasped out. “Ican’t.”
“Make it ten, then,” he replied, his tone razor-sharp.
She wanted to cry, but she wasn’t convinced that he wouldn’t increase it to fifteen if she did. This was a side of Cade she’d only seen glimpses of: intensely focused, insanely disciplined, and utterly ruthless. During training, she learned, he had absolutely zero sense of humour, and was far less tolerant of her snark than he was outside of their sessions.
He was every inch the military commander during that time. As much as she might hate him during the moments of intense pain during training, she had to admit that there was something hot about that amount of discipline. And she was indeed growing stronger by the day, especially since Cade fed her a steady diet of almost exclusively protein—meat from the hunts that he and the Blackguard went on every few days. He brought her on her first hunt after a couple of weeks, and was pleased when she shot a deer on her first try.
After lunch each day, Cade taught her weapons training, knife skills, and hand-to-hand combat. He introduced her to using a rifle and a pistol, and taught her to shoot.
“Your first thought should always be your weapon,” Cade said, adjusting her shooting posture. “Like I said before: you’re at aphysical disadvantage against most male combatants. Guns even the odds significantly.”
He’d set up makeshift targets at the opposite end of the backyard to start with—much closer than the targets at the training yard everyone else used, he told her. Asha worked harder at target practice than at anything else, determined to master this one thing that would even the odds between her and someone like Angel.
“You’re actually a pretty decent shot,” Cade said during their fourth week, a rare bit of warmth in his voice.
Nonetheless, Asha beamed with pride. She didn’t know what to make of the fact that training as a soldier—painful though it was—came to her more easily than anything she’d done before. Perhaps because shewantedthis. She’dchosenthis. She reveled in her new strength, and in the combat skills she was learning. For the first time, she felt powerful.
She mimed clapping her hand over her mouth in shock at Cade’s praise.
“So, you’re saying I’m actually doing somethingright?”
“You’re doing plenty right,” he replied with a shrug. “Better than most. But it’s not my job to pat you on the back. It’s my job to make you into a soldier, in the very limited time we’ve got.”
She turned to look at him, surprised by the last bit. “Time?”
“I’ve gotten word from Angel,” Cade said, and she forced herself not to flinch at the name. “We’re due to collect the rents from the Settlements, starting in a month.”
“The rents?”
“Payment for our protection,” he answered, and Asha tried not to make a face. “They provide us with goods, and Angel offers them a full-time security team to protect them. The Blackguard visits a couple times a year to collect payment and to consult on the security side of things.”
“And you’re taking me with you on this trip,” she said, her voice quavering. “Right?”
Cade nodded. “I’ll be introducing you to the men next week. After that, you’ll train with all of us.”
“You really think I’m ready?” Asha asked, a little doubtfully.
“I think you’ll handle it,” he replied, neatly avoiding a direct answer. She rolled her eyes. “We may take you on a couple smaller missions inthe meantime, to get you some experience. We’ll also have to get you a uniform.”
The first week in May, Asha stood in the larger training yard where the rest of the Blackguard trained. There was a small shooting range, as well as a makeshift obstacle course, with rope ladders and wooden platforms for climbing. A mishmash of workout equipment and weights were reserved for the far corner.
Asha swallowed back her nerves as a dozen Blackguard soldiers filed into the yard, with Leo, Dom, and Cade bringing up the rear. She’d braided her long black hair out of her face, and Cade had gotten Lana and the other women to alter a spare black tactical uniform for her, but it still didn’t fit her perfectly. She felt like an imposter wearing it, and she shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.
Most of the soldiers eyed her with a mix of confusion and curiosity, though a few of them didn’t bother to hide their distaste for her wearing their uniform. A large, redheaded man rolled his eyes and gave a sarcastic chuckle, while another man with a mop of curly hair shot her a look of disgust.
