Page 57 of Darkness I Become
Asha’s sense of time and place was obliterated by the euphoria of her release. The delicious spasms that rocked her body left her panting and shaking, filling her with satisfaction and exhaustion. Her climax sated some deep hunger she’d perhaps never known she had.
When she’d come back to Earth, Cade lifted the blindfold from her eyes and kissed her, a sly, pleased look in his grey eyes.
“Thank you,” Asha whispered, starry-eyed. She felt like she’d been hit by a truck and didn’t know what else to say.
Cade laughed softly. “My pleasure.”
She pressed her lips back to his, and the kiss morphed into something more, something desperate trying to claw its way out of her. She clutched at him, and he kissed her back, though not with the same fervour.
She felt the need to repay him. She owed him a favour in return, didn’t she? He’d put in more of an effort than anyone else she’d been with. She felt out of control, ready to melt and combust at the same time, her body on fire.
“Cade, I—” she gasped out, fumbling with his belt. “I need—”
He stayed her hand with his and pecked her lips.
“Another time,” he said, and his voice was so gentle. “Tonight was a lot for you.”
At this, Asha trembled, overwhelmed by emotion she didn’t fully understand. She felt like she could cry, which was absurd. She hadn’t cried when her parents had expressed their crushing disappointment at her assignment as a teacher. Or during her teenage breakup, or when she was told she had to marry Eric. Or even when Angel raped and tortured her. Her tears were nowhere to be found at the cruelest, most unjust moments in her life.
But there was something about Cade’s kindness that made her feel things she’d never thought she could. She hadn’t trusted it in the beginning, but somehow, this literal gang member had treated her better than anyone she’d ever known.
“But I—you didn’t get to—”
“You owe me nothing,” Cade said firmly. “Like I said: it wasmypleasure.”
She bit her shaking lip, hugging herself tightly. He knew again what she’d been thinking. And he was telling her, in no uncertain terms, that he expected nothing in return. She wasn’t used to sex as anything but a transaction or an obligation. Her bottom lip trembled.
“Can I touch you?” Cade asked. His hands hovered in front of her, but not in a way that demanded anything of her. It was a promise of giving, not taking.
“Y-yes,” she stammered.
He pulled his t-shirt over his head, baring his beautifully built chest and dark tattoos, then lay back on the bed and pulled her with him. She felt stiff and awkward, unsure of his intent, until he tucked her against his body, his arm around her.
He’s holding me.
That thought shouldn’t have been shocking to her, yet it was. Who had held her since she was a small child? No one that she could remember.
Cade was warm and as solid as a brick house. His breath was slow, even, and relaxed. He seemed content as he rested his cheek against her head and slowly rubbed her back.
Asha stayed frozen, uncertain, but Cade didn’t seem to mind. He kept rubbing for several minutes in comfortable silence, and as tears spilled onto her cheeks, Asha felt ridiculous. How pathetic was it thatan orgasm and a few minutes of positive attention from a man could undo her so completely?
Suddenly, she felt her lack of positive human touch like an open wound. How was it that she’d never felt deprived until now? Was it because she never knew it could be quite like this?
Her weakness was off-putting, and Cade was sure to see it as such. There was no room for this kind of weak, womanish weeping in the Wasteland. She tried to delicately swipe at her face, hoping he wouldn’t notice.
“Even your tears are beautiful,” Cade said, pressing a kiss against her head. He lifted his hand to her face, catching a couple tears on his fingertips.
She took a long, shuddering breath, and to her horror, a small sob escaped.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she blubbered, hiding her face against his chest. “Sorry. This is probably not what you hoped for from me.”
She heard his frown in his voice. “This isn’t a service you’re providing me, Asha. If I just wanted a woman to warm my bed, I could’ve had it anytime. You’re here because I wantyou.”
After another minute of pathetic sniffling, she finally looked up at him, and there was a softness to his expression that she couldn’t define. She felt like she could tell him anything, and he’d simply nod as though he already knew all her darkest secrets.
“I was molested as a kid.”
She didn’t know what made her say it. It came up like word vomit, with the urge to make himunderstand.
