Page 99 of Darkness I Become
“Done.” Cade voice broke on the word.
Through her blurry vision, Asha watched Leo bend over her with a syringe in hand, the red emergency label—Regenerex—on the side. A second later, she screamed in agony as he stabbed it into her wound and pushed the plunger down. The pain made darkness descend in her vision, and she barely registered Cade hoisting her into his arms and carrying her away from the forest clearing.
Chapter 33
Everything was burning.
Asha’s skin felt ablaze, as though a fire was alive in her veins, but cool water brought no relief; it only sent her into uncontrollable shivers. When Cade placed a damp cloth on her forehead, she cursed him, her teeth chattering. Cade and Leo had traveled through the night to bring her back to Ashburn. They’d had to hightail it out of there because there’d been some attack at the Post; Cade suspected the Order.
Good to know they’ve moved this far north and are rapidly colonizing the province. Comforting.
As a result, Asha found herself lying in a bed in Cade’s cabin, her hands bound to the bars of the bedframe. Bacteria were rapidly colonizing her blood, and again, she welcomed the arrival of peace, of an exit from this world where people fought one another over a meagre, brutal existence, and where she, too, had succumbed to its savagery. For safety, she had sacrificedeverything.Even her once-best friend. Even the first real freedom she’d ever known.
“I don’t…want your medicine,” Asha repeated for the third time, through gritted teeth.
Cade refused to untie her, lest she move and reopen her wounds. He’d cut off her ruined clothes, so she lay naked under several layers of blankets. She was vulnerable in a way she didn’t like, couldn’t afford. Though she burned with fever, she’d bared her teeth at him and fought against her bindings when he attempted to inject her with a thin, silver syringe of clear liquid.
Antibiotics for her fever. The Regenerex had already almost closed her mortal wound, but it didn’t stave off infection, and now Cade was trying to force her to live—something she’d never thought she’d be so opposed to, but peace had felt so damnclose.
“I didnotcome this far for this shit,” Cade shot back. He was far pricklier than he’d been yesterday. “Antibiotics are fucking liquid gold in these parts, darling.”
“You think that I—” –she paused to shiver— “don’t fucking know that?” Asha replied. “I still don’t want it.”
“If you don’t take it now, you’ll die,” Cade said impatiently. “And that’s not happening. Not on my watch.”
Her teeth were chattering uncontrollably now, but she still somehow mustered the defiance that’d marked her since childhood asdifficult.
“Why do you c-care?” she asked. “You let me go. I could’ve d-died anytime since then, and you d-didn’t give a shit about me.”
He paused briefly, then let out a long, tired sigh before replying, his voice low and urgent, “I regretted it from the minute you left my sight. And I’ve spent the last six months trying to find you. The least you can do is not fucking die on me, my angel.”
“The l-least I can do? After everything you p-put me through, asshole, you have the n-nerve to lectureme—”
“Iknow,Asha,” Cade burst out, cutting her off. “I know I was an asshole. I know I have no fucking right to you anymore. I just don’t care. I’ll do far worse than tie you to a bed to keep you—lie, cheat, steal, kill. And you love that about me, because you thrive in the dark as much as I do.”
Somehow, that broke her open. He didn’t know what she’d done, how much she’d given up just for thechanceto be safe and accepted again.
“You don’t know me anymore,” she murmured, traitorous tears threatening. “I found my friend that I told you about—Claire. And I betrayed her. Lied to her, and more besides.”
If this fazed Cade at all, he didn’t show it; instead, he merely shrugged.
“If you did that, it was because you needed to survive,” Cade said dismissively. “I told you:nothingis more important than surviving. There is nothing you can lose that’s worthyour life.”
“I fucked someone else!” Asha burst out, unable to stop herself—she needed to make himsee,tounderstand,that he didn’t want her anymore. That she was irredeemable and irreparably broken, that perhaps she always had been, and she didn’t deserve his defence.
Unlike the first revelation, this one did give him pause. He looked down at the floor, and she could practically see the wheels in his head turning.
“Who?” he asked a moment later. “I need a name, so I can kill them.”
“Fuck you,” Asha spat back. “I’m not your property. I left you because I’mno one’sproperty. And she was the best person I’ve ever been with.”
A flash of pain went across Cade’s features, quickly replaced by tightly reined anger.
“If that’s true,” he hissed, “where the fuck is she? Why isn’t she here, fighting for you?”
Asha’s tears fell, and she had to take a few deep gulps of air. This conversation was wearing her out in her feverish state, and it seemed Cade realized it, because he took a deep breath and looked skyward, as though praying for patience. It would’ve been funny if the situation had been less dire; she’d never seen him pray for anything.
“Because I betrayed her, too,” Asha finally managed to croak. “I never wanted her like she wanted me. Just used her to keep myself safe.”
