Page 102 of Darkness I Become
“You’re still my brave little viper,” he murmured. “I’ve always loved that.”
For the first time in a long time, Asha smiled.
Chapter 34
The days after felt long and tedious. Cade insisted that Asha should rest, even when she felt well enough to move. He fussed over her endlessly, constantly offering water, fluffing her pillows, and talking to her when she got bored. For his part, Leo checked on her several times a day, and Dom brought fish and foraged edible plants for their meals. They seemed surprisingly content, but then, they’d spent the last six months on the road. It must’ve just been nice to settle in one place for a while.
Each night, he crawled into bed with her, held her, and slept at her side…and that was it. He never pushed her for more, and he didn’t kiss her again. Sometimes, she caught him staring at her, watching her, with the oddest look on his face: wistful, and hopeful, and most of all,happy.So very happy, and she still didn’t fully understand why.
Every night when she was in his arms, before they fell asleep, Cade whispered, “I love you, my angel.”
There was no pregnant pause after the words. He didn’t wait for her to say it back. He simply gave the words to her like a gift, and the first time it happened, Asha wasn’t sure what to do with them. She lay there in silence, letting him stroke her hair, but her shoulders suddenly felt like marble.
“It’s not a trap, darling,” he said, huffing a laugh as he felt her tense up. “It’s just that…so many nights when we were apart, I lay under the stars, wishing I’d just said the damn words when I had the chance, that it might’ve made all the difference. And then I was terrified I may never see you again. Now that I have you back, I never want to go another day without telling you.”
Asha exhaled slowly, releasing her muscles. “Itwould’vemade a difference. But…it does now, too.”
Cade kissed her temple. “Good. Because it’s as true as anything else I know for sure: the sun will rise in the morning, Dom will be a grumpy dick, and I love you.”
It was her turn to laugh, and he grinned, clearly pleased by the sound.
Five nights after she’d been brought to Ashburn, Asha lay in his arms again and said quietly, “You haven’t asked me to explain myself.”
Cade stroked her hair. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Figured you’d tell me when you’re ready,” he replied with a small shrug. “Until then, I’m just happy we’re both here.”
“But what if…” she trailed off, scared to even voice the thought. Then she said in a rush, “What if you hear it and you don’t want me anymore?”
Cade held her tighter. “Not possible. I always saw the darkness inside you, and I told you to use it to survive. I can hardly be mad at you for taking my advice.”
Asha considered that. She supposed it was true, though it didn’t absolve her of anything. Then again, given his presence, she clearly wasn’t the only one seeking redemption.
“You can tell me anything, darling,” Cade added gently, massaging her shoulder. “I can feel all that pain you’re holding onto. All that anger. It’s so much for you.”
She was suddenly shivering fiercely, though the June evening was warm.
“Give it to me.” His voice was like velvet—so soft, so comforting. “Let me carry it for you. It’s just me and the dark.”
It was that familiar turn of phrase that ultimately delivered a death blow to her defences. All at once, she broke apart. Sobbed uncontrollably against his chest, clawing at him in desperate agony, as if she needed him to anchor her to the Earth. The pain of her outburst was unlike anything she’d ever felt. Every bit of shock, torment, and misery she’d suppressed for all these months poured out of her in a torrential downpour of tears.
“Oh, Asha,” Cade murmured, heartsick, and his grip on her tightened. “I’m so sorry, my angel. You’ve been walking wounded all this time, hmm? Since long before I met you. Since before you can even remember.”
She couldn’t reply with anything but a desperate wail. She’d never cried like this in her whole life. She would’ve been embarrassed if she’d had room for any emotion besides sheer anguish.
“I know, darling,” he whispered, as though acknowledging something she’d said. “I can feel it. You’ve been carrying it all with you for so long.”
“You said to master the darkness,” Asha gasped out. “But I’vebecomethe darkness. There’s nothing left of me.”
“It’s alright,” Cade said simply, kissing her temple. “I’ve got you. You’re right here with me, and I’m never, ever letting you go again.”
It was what she needed to hear. He kept holding her until she’d finally exhausted herself. Then, at last, she began to tell him everything.
When she’d finished, Cade kissed her and said again, “I still love you.”
Asha cringed. “I don’t deserve it.”
