Page 103 of Darkness I Become
“Well, that’s the thing about unconditional love, darling: deserving it isn’t part of the equation.”
Unconditional love.Something like awe filled her. She’d never been offered such a gift, and so freely. Immediately, however, she knew she felt it for him, too. Nothing he’d done had extinguished her love for him, even when she’d been at her most angry and betrayed.
“I’ll love you until the sun burns out,” Cade murmured against her hair. “Until we’re all nothing but dust, and everything you’ve done is erased from living memory.”
Summer stretched forward like an endless road before them. After Asha had recovered physically, she began to help the others with rebuilding Ashburn. Cade had already done a good job fixing up his own cabin, where she’d been staying, but the others needed more work. Leo took over the biggest one and was in the process of turningthe main room into a makeshift clinic, so she spent a lot of time helping him organize supplies and scavenge for decent furniture.
Dom was spending all his time planting a new garden, full of new medicinal herbs and vegetables. To Asha’s surprise, Lana and Cassie were eager to help him, even if Dom didn’t seem to appreciate their presence. Then again, it was always hard to tell with him.
“It’s good to see you again,” Asha had said to Lana one warm afternoon in the garden, feeling a little awkward. “I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances, but—”
Lana scoffed. “You should’ve told me about everythingbeforeyou ran off, Asha. I would’ve helped you. You should’ve trusted me.”
Asha nodded. “Yeah, I know. That’s a tough one for me. But…for what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad you’re safe. And I missed you.”
Lana still gave her a severe look, but her eyes softened a little. “Alright. But you’re still on thin ice with me.”
“Understood,” Asha replied with a small smile.
A week after arriving at Ashburn, she awoke alone in bed, which was unusual. Cade typically woke her when he got up, but sunlight was streaming in through the window, and he wasn’t home.
Irrational panic squeezed Asha’s chest like a vise. She jumped out of bed.He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s—
Sitting on the grass outside. What?
It was true: in the early morning sun, visible from the front window, Cade sat cross-legged on a patch of soft grass. His back was to her, but his palms lay open, facing skyward, on top of his knees. Curiosity overtook her fear, so she got dressed and headed outside to meet him.
He was still just sitting there, and when Asha approached him, she realized his eyes were closed. His breath was slow and deep, and he looked…calm. Relaxed. Maybe more than she’d ever seen him before.
It was only once she dropped in the grass beside him that Cade opened his eyes and looked at her, and his gaze was so full of soft affection that it made her flush a little.
“What are you doing?” she asked, reaching over to take his hand.
“Meditating,” Cade replied with a touch of dry humour. “I do it a lot now. Even if it still feels a bit hokey sometimes.”
Asha was surprised. “I never saw you do it before.”
“That’s because I never did before I left the Nest. When we were on the road, Leo talked to me about some things. Helped me learn to manage my temper. He tried to offer me psych help before, but I never took him up on it till then.”
He paused, seeming to consider his next words carefully. “Even though I told you to talk about it before—about your trauma—I never took my own advice much, except with you. Then when I decided to search for you, I knew I wanted to be better. Not just for you, but for me, too. So, I’ve been…working on things.”
Asha was seized by sudden tenderness. She didn’t quite know what to say, except, “I’m proud of you.”
Cade smiled warmly at her, like her praise really meant something to him. “You should join me, darling. You might be surprised by how much it helps, over time.”
So, she did. Every morning over the next few weeks, they meditated together for an hour. Like Cade said, it sometimes felt a little hokey, but she was surprised by how much she started to look forward to it. Something about focusing all her energy on breathing, on the sounds of nature, on the sunbeams warming her face felt healing. And in the dark of the night, she still whispered her secrets to him, told him her nightmares, and let him comfort her.
That felt like healing, too.
After that, they spent a lot of days hunting and fishing, since it was now their main source of food. The quiet of the wilderness was peaceful in a way she’d never found it before, until she understood that it was being with Cade that brought her peace.
He still didn’t press her for anything more. He did, however, start planning little outings for them. A long walk in the woods, or a picnic by the lake. A trip to the Post for supplies or just for fun. A candlelit dinner in the cabin.
It was different. He was different.
“Since when are you Mr. Romantic?” Asha asked one evening, with a small giggle.
“Since I lost the one good thing that walked into my life,” Cade answered with complete sincerity. “And…we didn’t get to have a normal relationship before. The way things started between us wasn’t how I would’ve wanted. We never went on a date, or did anything that wasn’t just part of survival. We didn’t have the space to enjoy more of the good things in life. Now, I want to give you all that.”
