Page 24 of Darkness I Become
“Time to go home, then,” Cade said, and Asha’s heart sped up, pounding unpleasantly in her ears.Home.His, maybe. She didn’t think she’d ever consider this wretched place—where she’d been bled, and tortured, and raped—home. Home wasn’t the place that haunted you.
“I’d get my things, but I have none,” Asha deadpanned as she got up and walked toward Cade.
She was going for levity, but it just sounded hollow and pathetic. Fitting, since that was exactly how she felt.
Cade raised an eyebrow, but otherwise didn’t comment as they left the infirmary. He led her through the hallways of the clubhouse, where the women were already bustling about, preparing breakfast for Angel’s inner circle. Asha was glad she didn’t have to join them.
“You don’t need things,” Cade said as they walked out into the sunshine. “Not now, I mean. We…we can get you things of your own, in time. But I have enough for both of us for now.”
She said nothing. What was she supposed to do? Thank him? She couldn’t summon much gratitude at the moment—for him, or even for her own existence. Dying at the compound with everything she knew suddenly didn’t seem like such a bad end. At least she wouldn’t be living here, with these people who lived hand-to-mouth and thought nothing of slavery and torture.
“My place is near the back of the settlement,” Cade continued, sounding cagier than she’d ever heard him. He spoke carefully, as though weighing each word. “There’s a fenced-in backyard, and it’s pretty overgrown, so it’s more secluded than the other houses. There’s…privacy.”
Asha frowned, wondering why on Earth it mattered. Her dignity was in pieces already. She kept her face as hard as marble: cold and unbreakable, even as she was collapsing inside.
Cade swallowed hard at her expression, and he gave up any further attempts at conversation as they walked to his home. After about twenty minutes, they reached the edge of the gated community, and one lone condominium at the end of what was once a cul-de-sac. Ivy covered the worn brown brick, all but camouflaging the house in the greenery behind it. If Asha hadn’t spotted the sun-bleached grey door, she might’ve missed it altogether.
The window frames were glassless and covered by thick, dark curtains. The roof looked sunken with age, but surprisingly intact. A brick chimney snaked up the side, leaning precariously. The porch was tiny, its concrete cracked in half a dozen places…but all things considered, Asha thought, it could’ve been much worse. At least it was decent shelter from the elements.
Cade hopped up the steps to the door and held it open for her. It was heavy, solid wood, probably expensive in its day, and Asha took a small amount of comfort from the fact that it wouldn’t be easy to break down.
This is my life now,she thought bitterly.I think of all the ways someone can hurt me, so that when it happens, at least it’s less surprising.
The interior of the house was small and dark, with all the curtains drawn over the windows. It was an open concept floor plan with the kitchen and living room as one space, and a well-worn door on the opposite wall that led to a small backyard. A short hallway in the far corner led to what Asha assumed was a bedroom. The discoloured kitchen cabinets and small island had no doors on them, and only held a couple of iron pots and wooden dishes. The old appliances were scratched to hell and rusted—nothing more than giant bricks at this point. There was an old metal table and a couple of metal chairs for a dining area. In what was once the living room, there was a fire barrel with a metal grate laid over it to create a makeshift grill. Otherwise, there were only a few small end tables, strewn with Cade’s various belongings: old maps, compasses, and a few books. The rest of the space was bare and unfurnished, with no place to sit other than at the dining table. The wood floor, which flowed throughout the house, was worn down to almost nothing.
It was one of the most depressing-looking dwellings Asha had ever visited. Dark, drafty, and utterly devoid of personality or homey touches. Her house back at the Cave was more lovingly decorated, and it had largely been a sterile, prefabbed box.
The best thing she could say about it was that it was cleaner than the clubhouse, at least. Granted, compared to the Cave, it was still a dirty hovel, but unlike the other living spaces Asha had seen in Angel’s Nest, it at least looked like it saw a broom every once in a while.
Cade must’ve read her expression, because he said, a little sheepishly, “I’m not usually home that much. When I am, I spend most of my time in the yard.”
“Why?” Asha couldn’t help asking.
“Training,” he replied. “There’s gym equipment out back. I work out in the morning, and then I usually do training drills with the guys in the afternoons. But that’s out on the field—we have a setup.”
Asha didn’t say anything. She felt strangely detached, as though she were watching her life instead of living it. Reality felt distorted, like a bad dream that wouldn’t end even after she realized she was dreaming. She couldn’t have known, those mornings when she delayed getting up for a job she didn’t enjoy, that she’d one day long to wake up in her bed at the Cave. She’d even welcome seeing a classroom full of bored teenagers if it meant escaping this place.
Asha realized too late that Cade was staring at her, clearly trying to parse what the hell was wrong with her. Her glassy-eyed stare was probably starting to unnerve him. She cast her gaze at the floor; his piercing grey eyes penetrated her defences in a way she didn’t like.
“Make yourself at home,” he said after a moment, walking into the kitchen area. “You hungry?”
“No,” Asha replied, even though she was. She looked around the sparsely furnished room, trying to figure out where, exactly, she was supposed to make herself at home. She settled for sitting at the dining table.
“Is that your standard response when someone asks if you need anything?” Cade asked, a sliver of impatience in his voice. “It’s not a trick question, darling.”
She recalled him sharing his meagre meal with her when they traveled to the Nest. She’d said no then, too, and he’d shared anyway. She’d found that surprising and even sweet. Now, she felt nothing. His kindness had only lured her into a false sense of security. If he’d been brutal from the start, maybe it would be less confusing as to how a man who’d only been kind to her could stand to live in a place like this, to serve a gang leader like Angel. There was nothing more repugnant than a man who cloaked his depravity in a thin veneer of civility. It was the kind of cruelty that the compound’s regime had excelled at.
“What will happen to me now?” Asha asked in a hollow voice.
Cade cocked an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
“Living with you. What will my duties be?”
He fetched a bag from under the kitchen island. “For now, your only job is healing. We can talk more about it when you’re feeling better.”
“I want to talk about it now.” She hoped she sounded firm, despite how she felt.
Cade pulled two chunks of red meat out of the bag before walking over to the fire barrel. He didn’t say anything as he lit the fire and began to grill the meat on top of the metal grate. He used a metal rod to flip them, and Asha hated to admit it, but the smell made her mouth water. She hadn’t had anything except Leo’s peppermint tea since the night before, and her daily rations had hardly been enough.
