Page 29 of Darkness I Become
“Nope,” Cade said with a grin, and she rolled her eyes, which just made him laugh. He really was the most irritating man she’d ever met.
“Tell me about this wife you abandoned, then,” Asha said, folding her arms. “Did you think of her before you decided to run off?”
Cade sobered. “That would’ve been a waste of time, since she’d been dead for weeks by that point.”
I really do have a terminal case of foot-in-mouth disease, don’t I?she thought helplessly.
“I’m sorry,” she said, gentling her tone. “I shouldn’t have assumed. What…happened to her?”
He hummed, as if trying to sort out what to tell her and what to keep to himself.
“I said there was an uprising at the Delta,” he said. “My wife—Janie—was part of it. I didn’t know at the time. I only found out because it was my job to help put down the rebellion. Violently.”
He looked at the floor, suddenly seeming distant. “She was shot by someone on my squad. We didn’t know it was her until later. We’d only been married a year.”
“That’s awful,” Asha murmured. “Did you love her?”
You care about this way more than you should,she told herself, but there was no heat behind it. She felt badfor him, put in a position where he might have to fire on his own wife without even knowing it.That’s what compound life is like. No constant conflict, but everyone is still pitted against everyone in the end.A single report could get someone sent to “re-education”, from which nobody returned unscathed—physically or emotionally.
Cade gave a sad smile. “‘Love’ is a tough word in a government-arranged marriage. We got along, and she was good to me. Most of the time, though, neither of us were home enough to do much more than fuck and go back to work. Granted, we both liked that just fine.” He chuckled at Asha’s wrinkled nose. “You’re doing it again.”
“I am not,” she argued, even though she was. “You’re even worse than my husband. He, too, was an annoying ass who didn’t know when to quit…for different reasons.”
Cade’s amusement didn’t fade. “I hope to live up to his legacy, then. Big shoes to fill.”
Asha gave him the most irritated look she could muster, but something about the humorous glint in his eye made mysterious warmth stir in her belly, the way that sunshine did after a long bout of rain.
Chapter 9
Eventually, Asha had to admit that she was still injured and exhausted. Cade led her down the short hallway by the kitchen, which led to a small bathroom with a dry toilet and cracked bathtub, a small bedroom with dumbbells and a homemade punching bag hanging from the ceiling, and a larger master bedroom with a big, squishy-looking bed, covered in animal furs.
Asha balked. “There’s…only one bed?”
Cade chuckled. “Considering I lived alone until a couple hours ago, yeah. That a problem, darling?”
She bit her lip. Itwasa problem, but she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how uncomfortable it made her. She was nothing if not stubborn.
“No,” she replied, tossing her head. “Not at all. Hope you like loud snoring, though, because that’s all I do all night, every night.”
He laughed. “Looking forward to it. It’ll be a nice break from the sound, peaceful sleep I usually get.”
There was obvious irony in his tone, making her wonder if he rarely slept. It wouldn’t surprise her; he always seemed hyper-aware of everything happening around him, those grey eyes always surveying. That level of vigilance would keep anyone awake.
Cade had briefly shown her the backyard, which contained more dumbbells and weights, as well as a small archery range with a homemade target and two arrows sticking out of it, both in the bullseye position. There was also a workbench in the corner with what looked like more arrows, in various stages of the creation process. Mostimpressive, however, was the makeshift obstacle course set up in a circle around the yard, using random everyday objects.
“For training,” Cade said, catching her staring at it. “We have a better course at the training yard, but I like to have my own, too.”
“And the arrows?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
He shrugged. “Can’t waste valuable ammo on hunting, so we use bows. Ammo is for conflict only.”
She wasn’t sure why he’d hunt for himself, seeing that the gang had its own team of hunters. When she asked, he smiled.
“I’m sure you’ve noticed that the rations are nothing to write home about,” he answered, “and maintainingthisphysique for combat—” he gestured at his muscular form, “—requires a lot more protein and calories than our rations provide. Same for the rest of the Blackguard. So, we hunt to meet our needs.”
Asha’s eyes flicked over that high-maintenance physique one more time, unable to help herself. His body was like a feat of engineering; it was so precisely built. He wasn’t like the bodybuilders of the Old World. He probably didn’t have a six-pack, or muscles so well-defined that you could see every quiver they made. But he was big, and solid, and his every movement exuded the strength, power, and sheer effortlessnessthat only came from years of daily training.
Thinking about how disciplined he must be shouldn’t have made her admire him, but damn it, it did. He was a smartass when he wanted to be, but he was also always completely in control, and it was hotter than she wanted to admit.
