Page 34 of Darkness I Become
Cade scoffed. “There are things in life that have no real solutions. If it was that easy, why would you be struggling so hard? It’s because you’re hurting in a way that nobody can fully heal.”
Asha couldn’t reply; she felt as though her throat had closed up. She hadn’t expected his compassion for her, and she wasn’t sure how to respond.
“Do you cry?” she asked eventually. She couldn’t picture a soldier—especially one as fierce as Cade—weeping uncontrollably.
“Sure,” he answered easily. “Cried like a baby when I first left the Delta. When I buried my friends at Ashburn. When I had to identify my wife’s body, and know that one of my guys had killed her.”
He paused for so long that Asha began, “I’m sorry—”
“Don’t be,” Cade cut in with a sigh. “It’s maybe something I’m not supposed to admit…but then, keeping it all to myself never seemed to help, either. Just made me explode later when it all got to be too much.”
Her heart softened at the thought of Cade’s tears. The image of him being inconsolable made her ache inside. It made him feel like a kindred spirit somehow, and she was touched by his open vulnerability with her.
“If crying’s out,” Cade continued with a hint of humour, “have you tried talking?”
“Talking?” Asha chewed her lip, suddenly nervous.
“Yeah,” he said, his voice gentling. “It’s just me and the dark, darling. We’ll keep your secrets.”
She considered his offer quietly, in a kind of wonder. The abuse she’d suffered at Angel’s hands felt deeply personal somehow, something that her instincts told her to bury, to box away in her mind and never look at again. That was how she’d managed her whole life: compartmentalize and forget.
But it had become so heavy. So burdensome. So hard to carry alone.
That was how she found herself whispering some of her deepest secrets to Cade, the darkness acting as her protection. She didn’t have to read his expression, see his pity, or be deterred by his reactions. For his part, he remained completely silent as she unloaded.
She told him almost everything, from the beginning: how she grew up; the suffocating expectations of her government-official parents; their utter disappointment in her; Shelly, her high school bully-turned-girlfriend, who she’d had to break up with when she received her marriage assignment to Eric; their doomed marriage.
Broken and disjointed, she detailed Angel’s assaults on her. He raped her repeatedly. Burned her with cigarettes and hot knives. Punched her in the mouth, cracking her tooth. Smacked her head against the bedpost. And at each turn, she’d fought him violently, ferociously, like a wildcat. All for naught.
Asha relayed all of this matter-of-factly, with all the enthusiasm of recalling a weekly shopping list. It was the only way to keep enough distance from it, to keep her head above water. Only now did she sense more of a reaction from Cade. He remained silent, but she heard his little intakes of breath, and felt the tension in his body through the mattress.
When she’d finally finished, she lay back against her pillow, exhausted. They lay there in silence for a long time—not talking, not touching. She’d nearly dozed off again when she suddenly felt Cade’s warm hand cover hers, holding it on the mattress between them. He squeezed lightly, sending tingles up her arm.
“I’m proud of you,” he murmured, and in spite of what she’d said earlier, she nearly burst into tears. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d heard those words, and she choked on the lump in her throat.
Thankfully, Cade didn’t seem to require a reply. He kept holding her hand until she’d slipped back into sleep.
Chapter 11
Aweek passed, and in contrast to her first two weeks at the Nest, Asha’s days were quiet and uneventful. Cade went for a jog in the early morning hours, then worked out in the yard. He was gone in the afternoons, training with the Blackguard in the south end of the Nest, and returned for dinner each day.
He made no demands of Asha, other than that she rest up and heal from her injuries. When she asked him about the problem of leaving her alone with Angel, he merely answered, “When you’re better, we’ll figure it out.”
By the end of the week, Asha was feeling much better physically, but she couldn’t wait anymore. They hadn’t talked about what she’d told him since that night in bed, but surely, he could understand her anxiety? She had to know what to expect.
After dinner, she watched him go out into the backyard, where he seemed to be preparing for something. He’d rested a backpack against the outside wall of the house, and he looked up at her when she walked out.
“Good, you’re here,” Cade said briskly. “I want to try something. Throw a punch.”
Asha balked. “What?”
“You heard me. Throw a punch at me.”
“Why?”
“The sooner you do it, the sooner you’ll find out.”
She scoffed. “No.”
