Page 41 of Darkness I Become
Cade was lying on the bed, fully clothed, reading a book by candlelight. He looked up when she entered, and she flopped down next to him, suddenly very tired.
“Are you still mad at me?” he asked, his tone careful.
Asha sighed. “I guess not. I probably overreacted. I just…”
He waited patiently, setting his book aside.
“You said that I need to accept the things I can’t change, but I don’t want to live this way forever,” she managed to get out. “I don’t wantto live in this gang forever. I don’t want to be technically someone’s property forever. I want…more than this, you know? Maybe you’ll say I’m being spoiled, but—”
“No,” Cade said softly. “I get it. The compound’s far from perfect, but not worrying about basic survival every day is a major perk.”
“But it’s different for you,” she continued, a little frustrated. “You’re a man in this world. Not only do you have the physical advantage, but you have all the power in this place, too. If you wanted to, you could kill me on a whim and who would do anything about it?”
He was silent. Then, “I would never hurt you.”
“That’s not the point, Cade. The point is that youcould,and because of who you are and because, let’s face it, they see me as little more than your whore—an accessory that you can put on and take off whenever you like—there would be zero consequences. So, my entire well-being hinges on my own ability to fight off someone bigger, stronger, and inherently more powerful than I am. My only value comes in my attachment toyou.You don’t understand how powerless that makes me feel.”
“But I do,” he said, and he enveloped her hand in his. “It’s why I wanted to offer you something more with the Blackguard. Give you the tools to defend yourself.”
“I know, but sometimes…sometimes, we have to change the things we can’t accept. For now, I accept that this is my new home, but one day…I’ll be done with this place. I hope when that day comes…”
She paused, swallowing back what she was afraid to say, fidgeting with the furs on the bed. Cade waited again, but when it became clear she wouldn’t continue, he prompted her with, “What?”
Asha took a deep breath and finally replied, “That you’ll come with me.”
His expression softened, and before she knew what was happening, he’d pulled her into his arms. Unsure what to do, Asha rested her cheek against his chest and listened to the slow, reassuring thump of his heartbeat. She was surprised that her instinct was to sink into him, that his warmth was comforting.
“You’d really want me to go with you?” Cade murmured into her hair.
“I have no one else,” she said without thinking about how it sounded.
Nonetheless, he chuckled. “Just when I think we’re about to have a moment, darling.”
She laughed too. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean…I…”
She felt suddenly unbearably awkward. She was bad at this. She still didn’t know exactly how she felt about Cade, other than that she preferred him to anyone else here.
Luckily, he didn’t seem to require her to sort through it.
“It’s alright, little viper,” he teased, giving her a squeeze before releasing her. “And even though right now, I think we’re best served by staying here… when the day to leave comes, I’ll go with you. I’m not going to leave you twisting in the wind.”
Asha smiled. “Thank you.” A thought occurred to her. “Have you ever thought about going back to Ashburn one day?”
Cade’s smile faltered, and he looked serious again. “I don’t know. It’s a long way, and it’d need some significant TLC after being empty for—”
“I know all that. I just mean…one day, I’d like to think we could do that. Have a place where we can make our own rules. Where I could…have a say.”
He touched her cheek. “Maybe one day.”
Sensing that was all she was going to get for now, Asha got ready for bed.
Chapter 13
Summer 2097
The following week, they departed on their trip to Hillside, the first settlement on their list. The plan was to visit two settlements to the west of Angel’s Nest on this trip, return home and rest, then visit the second two settlements to the east before autumn arrived.
The journey was rough on Asha, who’d never traveled so far on foot before. They brought the horse-drawn wagon with them, but it was strictly for carrying cargo. Outfitted in her uniform and carrying a backpack of basic supplies, a rifle, and a pistol at her hip was more weight than she was used to carrying over long distances. Thank God she’d spent the last month and a half in bootcamp.
