Page 58 of Darkness I Become
To his credit, he didn’t flinch. Instead, he tucked her hair behind her ear and kept rubbing her back. She struggled with her next words; she’d never told anyone about this since it happened. She’d done her best to forget it, and most of the time, she had.
“That was my first experience,” she finally managed. “With sex. He was a family friend. He was supposed to babysit me, and, well…”
She swallowed hard, uncomfortable with the way that Cade was simply looking at her. He was watching her, studying her expression, as though he really wanted to know her, which was disarming.
More disarming still: she wanted him to.
“Anyway,” she pressed on, “I was eight. I told my mom after, because it made me feel…icky.”
Asha let out a long breath, and still, Cade said nothing, as though knowing that his interruption would render her incapable of finishing the story.
“My parents were well-connected, since they both worked for the government. The family friend was another important official. Powerful. My mom told me it’d be better for everyone if we just forgot about it. We couldn’t afford to confront him.”
Cade’s brow creased. “Shit. That’s the best she could come up with?”
Asha gave a watery laugh. “Yeah. Honestly, she and my dad were barely in my life, even at that age. Too busy being involved in important things. He watched me a few more times before my parents got a nanny.”
“Wait, they let him keep having access to you?” Cade’s outrage was palpable, and despite the seriousness of the situation, Asha laughed.
It had never occurred to her how bad that might’ve looked to an outsider. She’d always just accepted it as something that happened inevitably, like lightning or a tornado. Of course they kept letting him have access; they wouldn’t have wanted to offend him by accusing him of being a pervert.
Think of how that would look for us,Asha’s father had said to her.How badly that would damage our careers. We applied for a nanny, and you ought to be grateful; they’re in short supply in the compound. It’s only because of our positions that we can apply at all.
“Only for a little while,” she replied. “The nanny that came after was alright, but she thought I was a difficult kid. To be fair, I probably was.”
“No wonder, you practically raised yourself,” he said angrily. “Fuck them. I’m glad they’re fucking dead.”
She laughed again in spite of herself, then grew thoughtful. “Does it make me a horrible daughter if I am, too?”
Cade clucked his tongue and caressed her cheek so softly, so gently, her heart wanted to break.
“No, my angel,” he replied. “Makes me like you even more. I admire a woman with a little wrath in her. Kind of a turn-on, to tell you the truth.”
That elicited a helpless giggle from her, and he grinned before turning serious again.
“Didn’t you have anyone who cared for you?” he murmured. “What about that friend you mentioned—Claire? Was she good to you, when she was around?”
“She had her own problems,” Asha replied reluctantly. She didn’t like talking about Claire. “Her dad died, and her mom was a nightmare. I never told her about any of it. I didn’t want to burden her, and I didn’t think she’d understand. Plus…I was ashamed.”
The admission brought unwelcome heat to her face, and she glared at Cade, because she saw the sympathy in his eyes and couldn’t bear it.
“Stop feeling sorry for me,” she snapped.
He chuckled, much to her annoyance. “I don’t feel sorry for you, darling. I admire you. All those years, being so strong when you shouldn’t have had to. But you survived.”
She balked. She hadn’t expected that.
“It’s why I wanted to help you to begin with,” he continued.
“I thought it was because you knew I was from a compound.”
“Sure,” he said with a nod. “But…I liked your fight. Even when you thought the worst would happen to you, you fought back. You spat in the face of the man who tried to sell you. And you didn’t hesitate to let Angel know exactly what you thought of him. It’s that much more incredible now, knowing what you’ve been through.”
Asha was quiet for a moment. Then, “I didn’t want to be the kind of person I grew up with…someone who just goes along to get along.”
Cade smiled, and she marvelled at the spark of real respect in his eyes.
“I said it before: you’re a brave little viper,” he said, and she rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help smiling back. “You fight for yourself. You have real courage, to call out the bastards who subjugate you. Even when it hurts to do it.”
