Page 77 of Darkness I Become
Cade gave the signal to move out, and the horse set off, pulling the wagon. The Blackguard surrounded it to guard the cargo. Everyone was acting like what had just occurred was the height of normalcy.
Because it is,Asha thought desperately.Because they do this every. Single. Time.
She ran to Cade, who avoided her eyes and kept walking behind the cart.
“You can’t be serious,” Asha said in a low voice, trying not to let the girls in the wagon overhear. “You can’t do this.”
Cade fixed her with an impassive stare. “It’s not my decision, Asha. I’m doing a job.”
“Likehellit’s not your decision,” she shot back in a furious whisper. “You could refuse. You could resist. You could do anything besides what you’re doing right now. Enabling this. Enablinghim.”
“Sure, and I could also commit suicide,” Cade replied, deadpan. “But I don’t see how that would help either of us.”
“Don’t give me that glib garbage.” She felt on the verge of tears. “At a certain point, you stop getting the benefit of the doubt, soldier. At a certain point, your inaction becomes an endorsement. You can’t act like you’re above all this, that you hate it, or that you care at all about me, whenthisis what you keep choosing. What you keep allowing to happen.”
This finally seemed to affect him. His eyes softened with hurt, then hardened again with anger, and that only inflamed her temper further.
“Of course I care about you,” Cade hissed. “Idon’tlike this, darling…but this is part of survival out here.”
The audacity of him acting wounded when he was literallygiving these girls to Angeloutraged her.
“Fuck you,” Asha spat. “You and the rest of them.”
She sped up to join the others and refused to look at him again for the rest of the trip.
Even when they arrived back at the Nest, things weren’t the same between them. Asha refused to look at Cade, refused to speak to him. Unfortunately, the effectiveness of her freezeout was dimmed by the fact that he was never home in the evenings anymore. After training in the afternoons, he disappeared until bedtime and refused to explain where he was going or what he was doing.
She hated how much she missed him in spite of how angry she was with him. She hated that she was so hopelessly in love with a man who would save her from trafficking and then turn around and facilitate the same treatment for someone else.
Two of the women they’d brought with them went to live in the wider Guardian territory outside the Nest. Only one went to live with Lana and the other unattached women. Her name was April, and she was a pretty brunette with cute freckles and a sweet smile. Asha had seen her when she’d been visiting with Lana in the evenings.
“We’re looking after her,” Lana had said by way of reassurance. “She has a bed, and food, and a family now. That’s better than what she had before, Asha. I know you don’t think so—”
“It’s not that I don’t think so,” Asha said with a sigh. “It’s that Icannotaccept that this is the best that any of you—or me—can hope for. That’s all.”
Lana gave her that soft, sympathetic look that she reserved for those moments when she thought Asha was being adorably naïve. Asha hated it.
Finally, a week after their return, Cade came home with her at dinnertime, and she resolved to confront him.
“You look like you’re about to chew me out over there, darling,” he said wearily.
“Of course I am,” Asha snapped. “What—”
He held up a hand. “I’m sorry I’ve been gone so much. I—”
“Don’t interrupt me. You being gone is theleastof your crimes. We still haven’t talked about the three girls you brought here a week ago.”
Cade sighed. “I know. Trust me, Iknow.”
He sounded so defeated, and Asha hated the pang of sympathy it inspired in her. Because she saw, if she tried, how he, too, was trapped now, ensnared in Angel’s web. Angel wasn’t the sort of man to let anyone escape, or to tolerate disloyalty. He played mind games, and he pitted people against each other on purpose to dominate them.
It didn’t absolve Cade. Not one bit. He had far more power than she did. But she could see how someone could get used to anything when they felt their survival was on the line.
“I justhateAngel so much,” Asha said, her throat thick. “I hate that he can ask you to do these things. I hate that he can dictate so much of our lives, and that he still has so much power over me. It’s not enough that he raped me, now he has to control my relationships, too.”
Cade reached over and took her hand, and the look in his eyes was deeply empathetic—something she didn’t expect.
“What if it wasn’t up to him anymore?” Cade said, staring hard at her. “What if we could change things?”
