Page 54 of Alliance Bride
“I was passing by and saw you swimming.” Erik settled on one of the pilings and leaned over to peer at the water. “I thought about joining you but remembered I like my bones not frozen.”
Aevar dragged his tunic over his head, fighting back shivers. “You’re going soft.”
Erik shrugged and glanced up as a gull flew over them, shrieking. “So how are things with Eadlyn?”
Aevar narrowed his eyes, trying to decide if he was prying or just casually asking. He bristled at the question, his walls going up,but then they crumbled. All the tension and irritation he’d been carrying drained out of him, leaving a sort of heavy uncertainty in their place. With a sigh, he sank down on the post across from Erik. He did not want to talk about Eadlyn, but the truth slipped out anyway. Maybe the cold had cracked something open.
“It’s harder than I thought it would be.”
Erik studied him, curiosity in his gaze. “How so? She has taken to life here remarkably well. Better than I expected. I’ve not heard her complain once since we met her. Considering the circumstances, I’d say you are very fortunate.”
“That’s the problem. I didn’t expect her to integrate so well into our family.” Aevar lowered his voice. “I didn’t expect to be so drawn to her.”
Erik’s lips twitched as if he found the confession humorous. “Is that not a good thing?”
“I…” A burn at the back of Aevar’s throat caused his voice to die as the truth he’d been battling rose to the surface. The words grated, raw from long denial. “I’m afraid to care for her, Erik. I’m afraid that if I let my guard down, I will lose her like I lost Thora.”
He swallowed hard. What if the gods heard and made it so? But according to Eadlyn, there was only one God, and He cared for His creation. Could that be true? He banished the thought, unsure of where it had even come from. Now was not a time to tempt fate.
Erik’s smile had disappeared, understanding coming to rest heavy on his expression. “We’re all afraid of loss. Loving Ranvi and the children terrifies me sometimes. But what’s the alternative? A life with no love at all? Just keeping her at arm’s length, going through the motions, and growing old in silence? Is that really what you want?”
Aevar winced at the question, not sure he could answer it honestly.
Erik stared out at the fjord as the wind rippled the surface before shifting his focus back to Aevar. “For me, the risk is worth it. Was the time you had with Thora not worth it? Would the time you could have with Eadlyn not also be worth it no matter when or how it ends?”
Pain bloomed sharp and sudden, but Aevar forced himself to sit with it. Forced himself to remember Thora’s laugh, the way her eyes had crinkled when she smiled, the tender moments together. He wouldn’t trade any of it. Even knowing the end, he would do it all again.
He let his shoulders sag in a kind of surrender. “You’re right.”
A twinkle returned to Erik’s eye. “Of course I am. I’m older than you. I’m always right.”
Aevar managed a laugh before Erik’s expression turned serious again.
“She’s a good woman, Aevar. You’ve been given a second chance at happiness, and I would not waste it. It would not only rob you, but her as well.”
Aevar let that settle, heavier than the frigid water. He had been punishing Eadlyn for his fear. Protecting himself but condemning her to a loveless marriage right alongside him. She didn’t deserve that. He could change it if he took his brother’s advice.
But would she even be receptive? What if any advancement scared her off?
“What if she is not interested in anything more?”
Erik chuckled, standing. “I do not think you have to worry about that. Woo her, and she will respond. I’m sure of it.”
Aevar released a long breath. How did one go about wooing a woman who was already their wife? Whether she welcomed his interest or spurned it, they were still married. That would not change, which meant he had to tread carefully and slowly. Had to keep the feelings that had been building inside him from growing into a heartache that would eat him alive if she did not reciprocate.
Erik crossed the dock to clap Aevar on the shoulder as if he knew what he’d been thinking. “Go, find your wife. Start by showing her you care.”
He walked away, the dock creaking as his footsteps faded. Aevar remained sitting, the breeze cutting through his damp clothes. The fear he’d carried for so long wanted to resist his brother’s advice and left a cold reluctance at the thought of going to find Eadlyn. But he was tired of it dictating his life. Pushing to his feet, he left the dock and headed toward the longhouse.
He spotted the women in the garden when he arrived, and his pulse thumped harder than seemed reasonable. Eadlyn worked there among the rows, sleeves pushed up, dirt on her fingers. In his fog of agitation this morning, he’d failed to notice the golden yellow dress and red apron she wore. Her braided hair was especially dark and rich against the bright linen.
At the edge of the garden, his mother straightened. “Aevar. A little early in the day for a swim, isn’t it?”
He glanced at the wet splotches on his clothing. Typically, the men waited until later in the day after working or sparring to cool off in the fjord.
He shrugged. “I had things to figure out.”
He shifted his attention back to Eadlyn. She remained focused on pulling weeds from their sprouting vegetables and didn’tacknowledge him. Not that he blamed her after how steadfastly he’d ignored her lately. Guilt pricked his conscience.
