Page 114 of Cookout Carnage
‘I stole cars.’
The silence hung between them, so he filled it. ‘My biological father died when I was a teenager, before I had the chance to get to know him. I was angry at my mother and her family for keeping him from me, so I became the kind of person they thought he was. I told myself I didn’t care, but when I was sentenced, everything hit me. I’d hurt my family and I’d hurt myself. I lost the end of my teens and my early twenties to prison, but it was what I needed. When I got out, I dedicated myself to being the person I actually was, rather than who I thought I was.’
‘And you think you don’t deserve love?’ Lynne Boden’s eyes filled with tears. Ford put his hand over hers.
‘I don’t deserve Sherilyn.’
Ford shook his head. He put the bottle of beer down.
‘Why did you come to Midway, son? Why not just wait until you were both back in Chicago? And don’t say the wedding. I ain’t buying that.’
Tristan nodded. ‘You’re right.’ He paused. ‘I wanted to get to know you. Even though Sherilyn doesn’t talk about you much, I know how important you are to her. What is important to her is important to me.’
‘Well, shit,’ huffed Ford. ‘Anything else we need to know?’
It was now or never. Tristan sat up a little straighter.
‘Yes,’ he replied.
35
Sherilyn lay in bed with Wiener as the fireworks went off outside. She hadn’t spoken to any of her family since the confrontation in the square and was glad they’d left her alone. The house had been empty since she ran back, apart from when one of her brothersreturned with Wiener and left him outside her room. She thought back to when her ex, Chad, had visited. At the time, that had seemed the ultimate mortification. She remembered standing next to him in the hall as he perused the family photos, the back of her neck damp with sweat, her forehead hot with shame. He couldn’t hide his smirk at their matching outfits and her bowl haircut, his revulsion at her mama’s ‘country food’, or his disgust at discovering the huge grumpy-looking brother in all the family photos was in jail. But she would relive those memories a thousand times if it would erase what she’d done. Guilt and shame rolled through in waves so strong she wasn’t sure if she was going to throw up or pass out. Every time a memory flickered through her, the pain was so intense she couldn’t breathe. She spiralled into darkness, her only anchor Wiener’s soft brown body and rough tongue as he licked her tears away.
She stirred, confused at the sound of the front door, realising she must have drifted off. She heard voices downstairs, then heavy feet on the stairs. She turned over in bed to face the wall. There was a knock and the door opened.
‘Shortstuff?’
She didn’t reply.
Her father padded across the floor and sat on the end of her bed. Wiener wriggled out of her arms to say hello, then was lowered to the floor to wander downstairs. She listened to her father’s gentle breathing, as if he had all the time in the world. She wanted him to leave before she started crying again.
‘How you doing?’ he asked quietly.
She sniffed in response and shrugged her shoulders.
A clean handkerchief was put in front of her face, and she blew her nose.
‘I’ve been thinking,’ he said. ‘And I’ve concluded that you’ve got it all backwards.’
She kept quiet.
‘The thing is this, Sherri-Lynne. You think you’re all embarrassed of us, but you’re not. You’re embarrassed of yourself. And I don’t mean right this minute, I mean in general.’
She turned her head to look at him. He was facing away, his profile illuminated by the side light. It was almost like he was talking to himself.
‘You can be a country girl and a career lady. You can skin a rabbit and have a hoitytoity job. You can love Kentucky and Chicago. You don’t have to squeeze yourself into one pair of shoes and pretend the others don’t exist.’
He sighed. ‘You remember when you were in fourth grade, and you made all them shapes in math?’ He didn’t wait for her to respond. ‘And you were so proud that you could spell dodecahedron as well as make one?’
She remembered.
‘Well, you’re just the same. We all are. There are many different sides to you, but you’re still a dodecahedron. You’re Sherri-Lynne Bodean, and you need to be proud of every part of you.’
He turned his head to look at her and her heart hurt.
‘I know you worry what people might think of us, or you. But if they think badly, then it’s on them. That sonofabitch you brought home that time wasn’t fit to lick your boots. I couldn’t understand why you thought so little of yourself you put up with him for so long.’
He lifted his hands from his lap and she saw he was holding the hood ornament that Tristan had given Emmett. He turned it over, watching the planes of the eagle catching in the light.
