Page 19 of Cookout Carnage
JULIET: Apr 19th– We’re back in school again. Friends and I went to North Carolina. You would have liked it. I love teaching. I love the obscurity of my medieval teachings and how they relate to today’s world, but I’m hollow. I have everything I set out to get. But I seem to be dismantling it. First, the boyfriend and now I think I’m selling my house. I want to create something instead of analyzing a thing and hiding in books. Build with me. Don’t marry her if you meant anything in that call.
JULIET: Apr 30th– I’m getting stalkerish and pathetic. I’m pining for a phone message. Answer me, dammit!
5
JONATHAN
Ican’t move off the swing under the giant oak tree. I’ve been sitting here reading since my phone started popping off. I wipe the condensation off my water bottle and rub it over my forehead. I set a whole chain of events into action with that call. I keep reading because I think, in an odd way, I’m processing as she did.
HER: May 15th– I’m almost done with the semester. My sister called and it’s not good. I need you. Where is my friend? Let alone the man who called to tell me he loves me. I’ll be in town for a week or so. If I don’t hear from you, then I’ll lay low. I won’t make a big deal or bother you in any way. Please. Jonathan. Just a short text. Or message. Let me know if you’re ok. I think about you all the time, but I don’t want to worry something’s wrong.
It’s painful that I didn’t know I blocked her and she needed me. This must have been her sister’s cancer scare. I’ll never forgive myself for not being there for her. But if I knew, would I have had the balls to let it all go to hell and be with her? I don’t think I was ready to see through all this.
Maybe it had to be this way. Fuck. I don’t know.
HER: May 30th– That was so fucking painful. I won’t go into it, but life is too fucking short. Where were you? Did you feel me? Did you know I was there? Or are you this good at pretending? Actually, you’re a shit hide and seek player.
HER: Jun 10th– Done! Done being ignored. I won’t boil a bunny, but I will get back there as soon as humanly possible. All reports are that she’s cheating on you. My sister, hell, Dinah caught her in an alley midday kissing someone that wasn’t you. Fuck you, Jonathan, for keeping me at bay. Filling me with hope and then ignoring me. Well, fuck you. I quit my job today. I love teaching, but there are more important things. I am contractually obligated to teach the first term of summer school. Then I’m there. I’m coming for you, and you can tell me in person if you love me. Or if that was a random drunken message that meant nothing. Tell me to my face. You’re the furthest thing from a coward. You tell me.
HER- Jul 1st– I’m on my way. And I’m in love with you. You’re marrying the wrong girl, and I’m going to make sure you do not make this mistake. Even if you don’t marry me, you can’t marry her. She’s cheating on you. And you can’t possibly love her. My sister said you made changes. Greenhouses bursting with flowers like we talked about. You revamped the farm and I want to hear every single change. Even if it’s just your newsoap or how scratchy your sheets are. Got it? You owe me all your details. Hold on. I’m on my way.
I sat reading for close to an hour. I’ve washed up, and the same question keeps running through my head. I’m standing here on my farm with my pig, alone. My head is reeling. After a couple of years thinking of only the farm, perhaps I’m overthinking this moment. What do you do when the universe calls to offer you everything you’ve ever wanted?
I know what she’d say.
Take the call.
* * *
I don’t even remember puttingthe truck in gear or running the stop signs. I vaguely recall the screeching of tires and loud horns of everyone pissed at me. I don’t recall parking crooked across three spaces or the familiar bell on the door announcing my arrival. I will only ever remember the look on everyone’s faces as I announced myself. The frantic tone in my voice when I called out to her.
Dinah’s in the back. “Mr. Jonathan! Hiya.” Her sister grins at me and folds her hands over her heart.
Then there she is, standing with a huddle of coffee, getting ready to give Maybelline another warm-up. She’s got flour on her face and caramel all down the front of her apron. She’s been making waffles. Her expression is stunned, her eyes wide open. And it feels like mine are too for the first time in my life.
The words spill out of me. “Not again. Not one more second. Not one more minute of my life will be spent longing for the thing that’s right in front of me, for the thing that never should have been out of my life in the first place.”
She says in a panic, “Jonathan, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying there are many reasons I shouldn’t be here, but the reason to be here outweighs all of them.” I step closer to her. “I’ve done everything. I do everything I’m supposed to do. I served my country; Played good clean ball; I go to church. I minded my parents. I’m a good brother, a good friend, a great boyfriend. I don’t eat meat. My greenhouses run on solar power. I take care of myself. I’m an excellent teammate, and I’ve got everyone’s six. I’ve done everything that’s ever been expected or asked of me. But there’s one thing that I can’t deny, and if everyone thinks this is wrong, I don’t care. I don’t fucking care. Juliet, I’m in love with you. Not in a best friend nostalgic way. A living and breathing thing in love with you. It evolved with me as I grew up, and I want it to keep evolving with you. I’ve always been in love with you. You’re the only thing I’ve ever wanted in this life that never expected something in return. You’re—”
And then she’s in my arms. I don’t even know how fast that happened, but her lips are on mine, and I’m bending her over like I’ve come home from war. But in reality, I’ve just come home.
6
JONATHAN
Ihitch up the camp chair on my shoulder and retake her hand. Fireworks start in about an hour and a half, just enough time to explain everything to my parents. After we made out, I had to get back to the farm and turn off the sprinklers I left running at the greenhouses. I bolted away, changed, and hurried back to town to meet up with her. We have much to figure out and discuss, but I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. Who knew it would be this easy to get a happily ever after?
She breaks our grip and wanders towards CK’s to check the lock as we walk through town. Her sister forgets sometimes. Not that it matters around here most of the time, but we’re the county seat for fireworks, and the crowd is a bit more than usual.
My dad slaps me on the back. “Heard I missed a helluva show, boy. Wanna fill us in?” I tell my parents the entire call scenario, and my mom’s eyes fill with tears.
She squeals. “Oh, it’s love. I always knew it. From when you would make sure to give her the bigger piece of graham cracker. You loved her at four years old.”
“Ok, calm down, Mom. We don’t know each other as adults. But yes, I love her.”
My father points ahead of us as I hoist our chairs on my back, and standing on the corner ahead with her own chair in tow is Juliet. “Maybe don’t jump so blindly into another engagement. That’s what dating is for, son.” I laugh at my dad.
