Page 29 of Cookout Carnage
I hold mine carefully to his and feel the slight nip and sting of the sparks on my hand, and I want to crackle with that excitement for the rest of my life. It’s now or never.
I pull my sparkler away and write my name with it, and he laughs. “It’s like you’re ten.”
“What mature thing are we supposed to do with sparklers?”
He knocks mine with his as he makes a sound like a lightsaber.
“Who’s ten now?” I joust back, and we end up laughing and making all of those silly sounds together.
They go out, and we’re eye to eye again. That look is back. The one he gave me earlier in the night and I had to turn away from its intensity. But I don’t go anywhere this time. I’m never running again.
He wraps his hand around mine, and it feels like the sting of the sparkler again. My blood is popping and hissing with memories of what it could be like. It’s on fire with every damn thing I want in the world.
Squeakers snores, and we both giggle a bit. There’s my Jonathan. Then a sigh, and he’s gone into the night air. Another sigh.
I kick a rock in front of me into a bush, and Squeakers rolls onto her back and snorts. Then another pig comes out of the bush and puts her snoot on Squeaker’s belly, and proceeds to fall asleep.
“Gandalf, I presume? The best friend?” He nods. I stare at the blissful pigs for a moment, then turn back to him, remembering something horrible.
“Jon, you know that you didn’t have to sign the farm over to her. Kentucky is an equal equity state.”
“I know that. But I had a prenup she signed that made sure it stayed in my bloodline.”
“And her dad didn’t know?”
“She probably wasn’t listening to what it was. She just signed it, then we analyzed her “autograph” for twenty minutes.”
I look at him for a long moment. “And you were going to marry her?’
“Yup.”
“And now?”
He yanks me into his arms. “Not.” Then his lips are on mine again, and it’s familiar and fucking hot. I always thought I needed the rush of a new person in order to be turned on. I just needed his lips, tongue, and…
“Do you love me?” His eyes are sparkling, seriously like someone dumped glitter on those cornflower blue babies. I look at him, and it’s as if we’ve never been apart. We’ll have things to work through, but I didn’t come here not to fight. I straddle him, and his hands sit on either side of me.
“More than anything I’ve ever wanted or could imagine. I love you with all that I am and will ever be. Do you love me?” I start crying.
He coos in my ear, “You know I do. I want you. Take what you need. Let out all your damn scared and hold me for real. No matter what’s happened between us, you’re still my best friend.” I wrap my arms tighter around him.
When I’m done sobbing, I look at him. “Yes. Yes. You never gave my heart back. Pretty fucking selfish of you.”
“I was saving it for this insanely ridiculous moment when I’d just called off an engagement, but no one believes me.”
“Fortunately, I believe you. I think. I hear that toast/roast was pretty unconvincing.” He tackles me and pins me to the grass. And we glance over and realize we’re sharing the moonlight with the pigs.
12
JONATHAN
I’m on fire. All parts of me are burning like old charcoal. My lips are on hers, and she moans. It’s light and perfect. It’s the period at the end of a sentence and the capital letter of the next one. It’s the end and infinity all wrapped in a moment. The end of us pretending we’re ever going to be apart and the beginning of the life we’re supposed to live.
Her grip gets tighter as my tongue nudges her lips open. She willingly opens to me. Our bodies fit together as our tongues go insane inside the confines of each other’s mouths.
“We’re outside,” she whispers, then opens her legs just a bit.
“Wouldn’t be new.”
