Page 53 of Cookout Carnage
Sherilyn Boden: IFPEIICUO. Consult your calendar, doofus.
Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: The druid dude who sits on the top of the building staring at the sun?
Sherilyn Boden: IFPEIICUO. IFPEIICUO. IFPEIICUO.
Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: Hang on.
Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: Is the Fourth of July a public holiday?
Sherilyn Boden: SERIOUSLY?
Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: Sorry, genuinely not being a dick here, I’ve never worked for an American company before. We don’t have public holidays for St George’s Day in England. I don’t even know when it is. The only thing I know about Independence Day is that you’re celebrating booting out the Brits, and the film with the aliens from when I was a kid.
Sherilyn Boden: Okay. I forgive you.
Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: Thank god. I was about to go to the roof and flagellate myself with the druid’s staff.
Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: THAT CAME OUT WRONG!
Sherilyn Boden: Lolololololololololololol
Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: WHY CAN’T WE DELETE MESSAGES ON THIS THING???
Sherilyn Boden: So HR always has a record. IFPEIICUO.
Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: How come you can remember and write IFPEIICUO so quickly?
Sherilyn Boden: Control V.
Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: You’re so clever.
Sherilyn Boden: I know.
Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: You’re teaching me new skills! IFPEIICUO.
Sherilyn Boden: Haha!
Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: Tell me more about the Fourth of July. What do you do?
Sherilyn Boden: I always spend it with my family. It’s a REALLY big deal. I think it’s more important to my mom and dad than Thanksgiving or Christmas.
Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: Woah. More important than Santa and turkey?
Sherilyn Boden: Yes, sir. It’s the biggest thing in our small town.
Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: How do you celebrate?
Sherilyn Boden: The most important part of the day is the parade down Main Street. Every organization in town has a float they decorate. There’s a marching band, and local dance troupes put on a show in the square in front of the town hall. The 4H club show off their animals, and people’s dogs run for mayor.
Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: Whatttttttt? 4H? A club that grooms canines for public office?
Sherilyn Boden: Lol no! 4H stands for head, heart, hands and health, it’s a club for kids and one of the things they do is learn how to be farmers. The kids raise animals, show them at the county fair, then they’re sold off. The Fourth of July parade is like their practice run.
Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: They sell their dogs???? To be EATEN?
Sherilyn Boden: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: Phew!
