Page 56 of Cookout Carnage

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Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: And all that jazz…

Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: So, are you okay with this?

Sherilyn Boden: I’m excitedly freaking out.

Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: No freaking out required. It’s just two work colleagues hanging out and eating deep-dish pizza with all the pepperoni and hot sauce. I know you’ve only ever seen half of me, but I promise I’m not half man, half robotic squid.

Sherilyn Boden: Awwww…

Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: KNEW you would be disappointed.

Sherilyn Boden: I’ll put on a brave face when you arrive.

Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: Your generosity of spirit knows no bounds.

Sherilyn Boden: Doofus.

Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: Present and correct.

Sherilyn Boden: Okay, email me your itinerary and I’ll start making plans. Is there anything you don’t like?

Tristan Fawcett-Underwood: Bedbugs.

Sherilyn Boden: FACEPALM EMOJI!

21

FIVE MONTHS AGO

Mama: Sherri-Lynne honey, when r u gonna return my calls? U know I hate texting like this. Your brother got a new parole hearing. Call me. I love u XO

Sherri-Lynne: Sorry, Mama, been real busy and you know I can’t take personal calls at work. I’ll call you soon, I promise. Love to Wiener XOXO

Mama: Ok honey. All the boys send their love XO PS what u doing for your birthday?

Mama: It’s in a couple weeks now XO

Mama: U coming home? Take some time off? U work too hard. Love u XOXO

Mama: Axle is painting his car. With a mermaid riding a dolphin. It’s real fancy. Your Pa thinks he’s smoking drugs. But he’s not honey. U know Axle is a good boy. And Fender should be out this summer. Maybe for 4th July!!!! I want the whole family back together. Call at the weekend? Wiener misses u XO

Sherri-Lynne: Sorry, Mama, I can’t come home for my birthday. It’s midweek and we have a real big project on. I’ll try and call you at the weekend. XO

Mama: Ok honey. I’ll stop bugging u so much. I love u baby girl. We all miss u XOXO

Sherri-Lynne: Love you too, Mama XOXO

Pa: Sherri-Lynne Bodean. This is your Pa here. I know you’re a big city gal now but you can still pick up the phone. I don’t like seeing your mama upset. Family is more important than some fancy ass company you sure as shit don’t own. Do the right thing Sherri-Lynne. Do right by your family.

Mama: Sherri-Lynne honey don’t listen to your Pa. I’m fine. Everything is just fine baby girl. I’ll put a present in the post for next week ok? Love u XO

Sherri-Lynne: I’m sorry, Mama. Next week is real important. Let me get through it then we’ll make plans for the summer. Okay? I love you XOXO

Mama: Ok honey. U eating enough? I worry Sherri-Lynne. I don’t want u getting all skinny. It ain’t healthy. What u eaten today? Do u want me to send biscuits? Love u XO

Sherri-Lynne: Mama, I’m fine.

Mama: Send me a picture. I need to know u eating enough.

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