Page 68 of Musical Games
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That afternoon Zoecame round to Morag’s, so Sam spent the afternoon and evening using alcohol and her best friend as a distraction from the fact Jamie had disappeared. Morag kept leaving the room with her phone and when she finally returned with a smile, Sam knew he’d been found and was okay.
After Zoe left, she stayed up with Morag, the two of them sneaking glances at the clock as if in the next five minutes Jamie might appear. Eventually they both gave up and went to bed.
Sam lay in the darkness, hurt and confused. Had she pushed herself at him? He was clearly very familiar with a woman’s body, yet he’d been reticent with her. Finally she heard his footsteps on the stairs. He paused outside her room. Her heart beat loudly in her throat. Was he going to come in?
She sat up, smoothing her hair, then heard his bedroom door closing. She curled up on her side, facing the wall, biting her lip to stop the tears.
Sam dreamtshe was on set. With her, as well as the cast and crew, were her family, Zoe, Rory, Morag, Fiona, Duncan, Brad and Jamie. She was as small as a mouse, running around, trying to make herself heard. Brad was telling Zoe he was taking Jamie to LA. Jamie was between her sisters, his arms draped over their shoulders as they stared adoringly at him. Morag was feeding her parents shortbread and crumbs were dropping to the floor, hitting her like rocks. No one noticed her. Now they were all walking towards Brad’s private jet. She ran behind them, yelling at them to stop, to wait for her. But they didn’t.
A knocking sound woke her and she flailed in the covers, orientating herself.Morag?
‘Come in, I’m awake.’
The door opened. It was Jamie, holding a mug of tea. She sat up, running her hands through her hair and across her face.
‘The tea’s for you, if you want it?’
Sam swallowed. She didn’t know what to say. The last time she’d seen him, they’d both been naked. He seemed as unsure as she felt, the colour rising in his cheeks.
‘Can I come in?’
She nodded and scooted back, pulling the duvet up under her chin.
Jamie placed the mug on the bedside table and stood at the end of the bed as if he were a footman awaiting instructions.
‘I want to apologise,’ he said. ‘For yesterday.’
Sam stayed silent. She didn’t know where this was going.
‘I want to, er, explain.’ He rubbed the back of his neck. ‘Can I sit down?’
She nodded and hugged her knees to her chest. He perched at the end of the bed, as far as he could from her without falling off the end. This didn’t bode well. His hands were clasped in his lap and he stared at them, taking breaths as if about to speak, then sighing them out. With each exhale, Sam’s anxiety increased until she couldn’t bear it any more.
‘For goodness sake, Jamie, if you’re trying to let me down gently, I’d rather you just put a pin in it, rather than drawing it out like a bad soap storyline.’
‘What?’
‘It wasn’t what you really wanted. You didn’t know how to tell me. You want us to be “just friends”. Blah, blah, blah. Jamie, my career is based on constant rejection. I’ve got my big girl pants on. I can cope. Just get on with it.’
He stared at her, his mouth open. He looked completely shocked. If she wasn’t so upset, she would have laughed.
He cleared his throat. ‘Um, that’s not what I was going to say.’ He took a big breath. ‘Is that how you feel? You, er, don’t want it to happen again?’
She hugged her knees tighter to her chest and shook her head. ‘No, no, no. You don’t get to turn this back to me. You’re going to put your big boy pants on and tell me why you walked out without a word and didn’t come back until after midnight.’
He swallowed and pulled at the front of his T-shirt. There was a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead, like he’d been running for his life only to end up between a wall and a firing squad.
‘I, er, I’ve never, erm. It was the first time I’ve ever…’ He gulped in a breath. ‘And you’re, you’re... I freaked out. I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry.’
Relief started trickling in. ‘So, you don’t regret it?’
‘God no. It was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.’
The relief was now a flood. ‘Thank fuck for that.’
‘So, you don’t mind that I’ve, I’ve never—’
