Page 24 of Wedding Games
Cars started beeping.
‘What?’ Charlie asked. ‘Can’t hear you, mate.’
Rory’s arms were still locked in place by Jamie and Duncan, so he couldn’t stop Charlie from placing a set of pink plastic antlers on his head. A crowd was beginning to gather.
‘Let’s hear it for the stag!’ Charlie yelled, encouraging the onlookers to cheer, before popping the boot of the car.
In the distance, Rory could see a policeman proceeding up the street towards them.
‘What the fuck are you doing?’ he growled to Charlie.
Charlie started handing packs of beer out to the public.
‘Just because you’re not drinking doesn’t mean other people can’t,’ he yelled over the music. ‘I’m distributing your share.’
No matter what time of day, the promise of free booze was always a winner, and the crowd was growing larger by the second. The boot of the Rolls was large enough to stash a body and several suitcases, and currently contained more beer than an off-licence. Rory pulled to get free of Jamie and Duncan. He could have taken either of them on their own, but with their combined strength he was struggling.
‘I’m not going to do a runner,’ he told them. ‘I want to help so we can leave.’
The cars in the queue behind the Rolls were being abandoned as their owners realised free alcohol was on offer. Rory stuck his head in the boot, grabbing cans and handing them off to Jamie and Duncan as if his life depended on it, hoping the policeman advancing towards them would suddenly be called away to deal with a greater crime.
The sound of theWedding Marchcut out, but any sense of relief was obliterated when it was replaced byIn da Clubby 50 Cent.
‘Ladies!’ Charlie yelled. ‘Take it away!’
Rory looked up in horror as four women dressed in mini kilts and tartan bikini tops started a dance routine for the crowds.
‘Charlie!’ he roared. ‘What the fuck?’
Charlie ignored him and joined the dancers. They made space, passing him a set of pom poms. He matched their every step and gyration as if he’d spent his life training to be the next Justin Timberlake.
‘Let’s hear it for our stag!’ Charlie shouted. ‘Rory MacGinley!’
The crowd cheered.
‘I can’t hear you!’ Charlie continued. ‘I said, let’s hear it for our—’
‘Get your kit off!’ screamed a woman.
Charlie winked at her and tugged his t-shirt off, twirling it in the air and shaking his hips.
‘And the rest!’
Charlie flicked the top button of his jeans.
The crowd went wild.
‘Mate!’ Rory yelled. ‘Stop! We’re going to get arrested.’
Charlie pulled the zip down.
The screams of excitement were almost enough to drown out the sound of a police whistle and approaching sirens. But only just.
An hour later,the Rolls was heading out of Inverness and Rory was alternating between wanting to punch his best mate and being grateful he was such a charming fucker. Charlie had switched from Magic Mike to James Bond in an instant, moving the car to the side of the road and helping to get the traffic flowing again. Luckily, PC Killen told them he was in a good mood as he’d just started his shift. They got away with a stern warning and their solemn promise that Inverness would no longer be bothered with anything to do with the wedding.
‘Where are we going?’ Rory asked for the fourth time.
‘At least five miles away from any other human, as instructed,’ Charlie replied.
