Page 10 of Wedding Games
‘—but underneath this polished exterior lurks a rugged man of the mountains.’
Barbara snorted.
Rory kicked his mother’s foot under the table as Mary glared daggers across the table at her.
‘I’d always been fascinated by the Aborigine custom of walkabout,’ Arnold continued. ‘Just you and the wilderness. A spiritual journey and rite of passage. Man versus wild. But the only place in the UK I could find the solitude for this kind of challenge was in the Highlands. So, I saved up my annual leave and all my pennies and took the train north.’
‘Love it,’ said Brad decisively. He held a hand up to Arnold as if to pause his speech and leaned back in his chair to look at Clive. ‘Dude, you got a spare napkin and pen?’
Clive took a waiter’s pad out of his top pocket and handed it to Brad along with a biro.
‘Thanks, man.’ Brad scribbled a few notes and then looked at Arnold. ‘Continue.’
Arnold seemed to inflate a little more and Rory braced himself. He’d already heard this story several times and, like an angler describing the size of fish they’d caught, Arnold’s story got bigger and more dramatic with each re-telling.
‘I strode into the wilderness armed only with a few meagre supplies, my Swiss Army penknife, and my battered copy ofScouting for Boys.’
Brad whistled. ‘I’m gettingDeliveranceandThe Revenantvibes already.’
‘It was the height of summer, and I was a sitting duck for the worst predators Scotland has ever known.’
‘Snakes?’ Brad asked, excitedly.
Arnold shook his head.
‘Wolves?’
‘Far worse. These attack day and night with no mercy,’ Arnold replied.
‘Holy cow. Goblins?’
‘Bradley,’ said Barbara. ‘We’ve already had this conversation.’
‘These beasts can drain a man in under an hour,’ said Arnold, solemnly.
Rory shut his eyes briefly, wishing the whole evening to be over when he opened them again.
‘Frikking vampires!’ Brad yelled, standing up and punching the air. ‘Knew it!’
‘Bradley!’ Barbara hissed. ‘Sit!’
As he sat, Mary giggled into her wine glass.
Barbara shot her a venomous look.
Arnold shook his head. ‘If only. I could have dealt with them easily as I was carrying a spare wooden stake and an emergency vial of holy water.’
‘Skills,’ murmured Brad, nodding his head.
‘The beasts that were after my blood,’ continued Arnold, pausing for dramatic effect, ‘were midges.’
Brad’s face blanched. ‘You weren’t wearing any AvonSkin So Soft?’
Arnold shook his head. ‘I was untried and untested. And the mistake proved almost fatal.’
‘So, what did you do?’
‘I found a bog and covered myself in mud.’
