Page 40 of Baby One Last Time
At the opposite end of the courtyard, Derek stopped pacing and leaned one palm against the side of his bungalow. He pulled out his earbuds and tucked them into his running shorts pocket, then stared off into the distance. Ruminating, absorbing whatever it was Chase had told him, and no doubt blaming himself.
With a sigh and the knowledge that I probably shouldn’t do it, I veered off the path to my own room and walked toward him. Like hundreds of times in the year I’d known him, I was steel to his magnetism. But this time, I also had steel in my spine, and I was no longer the partner—in the field or in his bed—hellbent on placating him. This might be the last mission we ever shared, then our paths might seldom or—I switched to pranayama breathing to get myself through the thought—never cross again. He would hear the truth about what I thought of his self-blame game as my parting gift to him.
I didn’t totally delude myself. I knew I wanted to trade my troubled thoughts for his. But I was also pretty sure that made me what X and TJ and Derek himself wanted me to be—a committed team player.
I approached him with heavy steps that made my sandal-clad footsteps echo against buildings ringing the enclosure. He’d pulled himself together by the time I’d reached his side.
“Getting used to the database?” he asked.
“Piece of cake. But there is something... Could we talk for a minute?”
“Sure. What’s up?”
He was cool and detached, as he should be. AsIshould be. But this conversation was too personal to have in the middle of the walkway. “How about over there?” I pointed to one of the tiny ponds scattered along the edges of the patio. This one had a wide wooden bench that was private but not secluded.
He nodded, then followed me. I sat down at one end of the bench. He sat in the middle, not touching me, but not staying out of reach, either. He crossed one ankle over his knee and propped an arm on the back of the bench. Relaxed but attentive.
“How’s Chase?”
Derek put his feet flat on the ground and propped his knees on his elbows. He stared out at the small pond that looked like it was on fire as it reflected the sunset. “You saw me on the phone.”
“Before you could put your guard up.”
He glanced at me but didn’t disagree. “He’s in the hospital.”
“What happened this time?”
He leaned back on the bench but remained tense. “He was meeting some friends for drinks. Pulled into the nightclub parking lot and hopped out of his convertible without opening the door. Didn’t stick the landing.”
“Seems like a stupid choice for someone with a bad back. Sorry, that was harsh. He comes from the same gene pool as you. I’m sure he’s very smart.”
“Well, he used the same word to describe himself. That’s why he didn’t call me three days ago when it happened. He probably wouldn’t have told me at all, but Mom and Dad have guilted him into flying to their place in Hawaii for the holidays and recuperation, and he’ll be taking the corporate jet because that’s easier with the wheelchair.”
“Why would he keep it from you?” I asked.
They were close. Derek went to Atlanta as often as the job would allow, and they talked at least once a week on the phone unless Derek was under deep cover. I reached out and linked my pinkie in his, a habit we’d started when we were platonic partners, or at least not sleeping together. We’d told ourselves it was less intimate than hand-holding, but when he tightened his grip to anchor me to him in that one tiny spot, I wasn’t so sure it was true.
He held my gaze. “Because you two have something in common.”
I swallowed hard, but maintained my cool façade. “Our deep intelligence?”
He laughed. “That too. But I was talking about the goal of convincing me his injury wasn’t my fault.”
I tilted my head. “You never told me that. I thought maybe he blamed you and that was why...”
Derek rubbed his hand over his eyes the same way we always did when we talked about Chase. “I seem to be the only one who sees the situation clearly. It happened on my watch, during which I was not watching.” He held up his hand. “But I’m learning to let it go. Thanks to you.”
“Me?” I stared at our linked little fingers. “Not directly. I was going to today, but...”
“Is that how you see it?” He tightened his pinkie again. “You’re not as hard to read as you’d like to be, Cynth. And your word choices for my brother kinda gave you away.”
“I’m sure if I ever talked about your brother, I only said very nice things.”
He glanced sideways at me. “Let’s see. You’ve called him reckless, a daredevil, a hellion—”
“Hey, that was only because I overheard your mom calling him that on a phone call with you.”
“—and today you added stupid.”
