Page 102 of A Grave Not Made For Mourning
“Can you keep holding me?”
Instantly, he pulls me back into his arms. His chin rests on the top of my head, and his hands weave through my hair, gently brushing back and forth. Softly, he kisses the top of my head, and I wrap my arms around his back, pulling him closer.
“Pa took it from me,” I say against his chest. “I think I should feel…something. Anything. Mad, maybe.”
“What did he take?” Azaire’s breath tangles in my hair.
“My emotion.”
This time, I pull away. I hold onto Azaire’s elbows. He’s my feet, my oxygen, my gravity. He’s why I’m standing here, upright.
Is this how I really feel about him?
I take it all in—the nothingness around me. Perhaps it’s a symptom of my getting used to the lack of what I once felt so deeply. I did feel deeply, didn’t I?
I can’t remember how I felt.
But I remember Azaire. I remember this feeling in my chest, in a different way. I remember how it felt inhischest.
This is how it feels in mine?
Like everything.
Like I love him.
“Wendy,”the boy warns.
I nearly heed the boy’s warning until Azaire snaps me out of it: “He didn’t take you.”
I let go of his elbow to touch his cheek.
“No one could ever take you,” he whispers.
My thumb brushes over his jaw, to his lips. It lingers there.
Azaire looks me in the eye as he calls, “Yuki?”
“Yep.” A moment later, Yuki walks past me, and the door closes, leaving Azaire and me alone in the room.
We sit on the bed, and my head falls into Azaire’s lap. I look up at him. The room seems brighter than usual. Something feels different.
“I think you’re it for me,” I whisper. My hand reaches back up to his face.
Then the fear settles in.
The first thing after love.
Fear is the opposite of love. Or it’s love intensified. You love someone so much, and it turns to fear.
What if I lose him, like Ma?
What if I hurt him, like Xander?
What if he hurts me, like my brother Terran? Like Pa? Like the universe?
Azaire’s hand is on my cheek. His eyes are sparkling. “I think you’re everything for me.” He smiles. “Not think. Know.”
“I know it,” I say. “I’m scared because I know it.”
