Page 72 of A Grave Not Made For Mourning
But Lucian’s selfish—I can feel that. If Azaire could help him get further, I have no doubts he would use him as a stepping stone.
Desdemona doesn’t know what she’s getting into with him. I’m more than convinced he would stop at nothing to get what he truly wants. And sadly, for the people he lures toward him, it’s never them.
Though, with Desdemona, there was something else from him. Something I could have detected even without the power of empathy. His want for her is different—between a stepping stone and something more.
Only time will tell.
“I care about him, Lucian. More than I should,” I say, forcing the feeling into him as the words leave my lips.
My fingers buzz with power beneath my gloves, twitching like live wire. Lucian doesn’t realize what I’m doing, but he knows the weight of what I’m saying. He doesn’t realize that the weight in his chest is mine, but he feels it all the same.
“If something happens to him…”
“I meant what I said, Azaire can handle himself. As for caring about him, go for it. He’s not only the strongest person I know, he’s the most moral.” Lucian’s words only reveal one thing.
He doesn’t get it.
He doesn’t understand that morals aren’t good in this world. Morals got Ma killed. Morals are a double-edged sword.
As tortured as this prince seems, he’s still sitting on a pedestal above the rest of us. He’s still in line for a throne.
When you’re so high above, it’s hard to understand below—no matter what woes that power has bestowed upon you.
Lucian grabs the paper again, but he still doesn’t care enough. I wait, hoping he’ll come to his senses. The Weapon could destroy much more than we imagine. As a Eunoia, I’mnot allowed in War Strategy, and as such, I have no idea what a Weapon could do. But Luciandoes, and still I have to beg him to care about lives other than his own.
“I was there when my mom died.”
His sudden understanding makes me soften and sick at the same time. He thinks I’mconfidingin him.
I sort of am.
“I’m the strongest in my family.Magically,” I clarify. “I should’ve saved her, but I didn’t. No one ever said it, but I felt their blame. I still do.”
Lucianstilldoesn’t get it.
I continue, “I’m telling you this because… if I get close to Azaire and something happens to him… I already know how that feels.” I look up, meeting his eyes to make sure he understands. “And I fear morality will become a weakness.”
I almost despise the honesty in my words.
“I know. But he has us. We’ll protect him.”
I placate Lucian, saying, “You’re a fair friend.”
“He’s more than a friend. He’s my family.”
“Well then you’re fair family to have.”
“He’s better than I ever was,” Lucian says. At least he knows that. “He’ll take you, too, Wendy.”
I know Azaire will. The problem is that wanting me is a cause for concern.
I do nothing but hurt the ones I love.
“You can’t hurt me,”the boy says, his voice low and buzzing in my brain.“I like the pain when you’re the one who inflicts it.”
I sit silently with his words. I don’t think I love him.
“But you will,”he replies in my mind.
