Page 104 of A Grave Not Made For Mourning
Even her memory.
“The Weapon is gone,” I tell him. “I’m never going to care about it again, not the way I used to.” And I can’t tell him what’s left—can’t put him in more danger.
“That’s all right. Lucian and I will take care of it.”
I don’t care—I don’twanthim to.
I say, “Okay.”
Chapter 20
I Didn’t, I Just Wish
I Did
One Year Ago
W
e pass Lilac in the hall. She casts her eyes downward, her shoulder tensing. Calista falls into herself, retreating behind a wall of silence. The quiet between them stretches, as if the smallest word might shatter everything, until Lilac is out of sight, and nothing has changed.
There is never a day Calista sees her and is not broken by it. There is never a time the truth does not weigh on her, like an ant trapped beneath a fallen tree.
The hardest part is Lilac feels the same. She carries the same love, but both are kept apart by Royal duties and miscommunications.
If I had someone who loved me the way they love one another, I would do anything I could to be with them. Or I think I would.
I’d like to believe I would.
I turn to Calista, whose gaze remains fixed ahead.
I’ve thought about it a thousand times over—taking Calista’s love away. I’ve thought of the opposite, too—telling her to give her love back to Lilac. It’s on my mind quite often because it’s always on hers. I am always feeling the loss of love.
But not in a way as severe as what Calista wants me to do.
I’ve nevertakenemotion—not permanently, not to that extent. I’m not sure I could, but I’m sure I don’t want to. The only person I’ve manipulated is Ms. Ferner. She’s grown better at resisting my power, but I’m still stronger.
I can make her mad, I can make her sad. I can make her punch holes in the wall and scream like a banshee.
I never enjoy a second of it. But I understand why I do it. I understand what usefulness it will one day serve Ilyria and Folkara—the two remaining kingdoms.
Maybe this could be a test. I’ve never met someone with a stronger will than Calista.
She could be the first person to resist me.
“I’ll do it.”
Calista’s head snaps toward me. Her eyes widen—and I feel it, the sudden surge of hope rising in her chest. It’s warm at first, but beneath it runs a chill, sharp as ice. She’s glad to let go. Relief floods through her. But underneath that, she’s terrified. She doesn’t want to want this. Not really. Not yet.
I’ll be doing her a favor.
Without a word, she grabs my wrist, pulling me into the nearest empty room.
The door slams shut behind us. The desks are vacant, and the lights are off. The hope that Calista felt moments ago dwindles into fear. What will she be without her love?
We stand in silence as Calista stares at nothing.
But I worry someone will walk into this room before we’re finished. Subtly, I do what other Eunoia can only accomplish with a touch. I reach out to her, pushing past her anxiety, gently probing her thoughts, urging her to speak what she’s thinking.
