Page 154 of A Grave Not Made For Mourning
Who else knows what I know?
But he’s Lucian’s best friend.
I can’t. I won’t.
“I don’t know!” I shout, crashing to my knees. Tears rip through my body like knives, carving me whole. “But one of you has to die.”
Azaire promised we wouldn’t hurt—he promised there’d be no pain. Now there’s nothing but it. There’s nothing, nothing, nothing other than this nagging, ever-present awfulness. Like his corpse is rotting inside of me.
This universe, these gods I was supposed to believe in, they’re all thieves. They take and take and take and offer nothing in return.
Acrackshakes me to my very being. The world beneath me hums with life, and I work tosplit it in two. If I am to be tormented, I will also torment.
The ground gapes before me, swallowing itself whole. Collapsing in on itself. The world falls into two pieces as a savior approaches. I feel it the same way the kapha approached Desdemona. With intent.
I turn, facing a moonaro. The same kind of beast that attacked Calista, Lilac, and me.There’s another one.
My body tenses, every muscle ready for the fight, but the creature doesn’t move toward me. Instead, its gaze shifts, locking onto something behind me.
It stares at Lucian.
A savior approaches.
This monster is here for Lucian. Is it possible? Has Lucian been in on it with Desdemona all along?
I channel my magic toward the moonaro, prepared to kill it the way I killed the pernipe. The trees holding Lucian release their grip, poised to ensnare the creature. But the moment Lucian is free, the monster bolts, darting into a distant concave of trees.
And Lucian is saved, as the monster intended, when he lands on solid ground.
I turn to face him. I’d hoped that when I let him go, he would fall into the crater I made. I suppose I’ve never been lucky.
Exhaustion tugs at my limbs as I stare at him, trying to take one solid breath.
“You’re part of it?” I ask, my voice breaking, sounding nearly resigned.
“Why?” Lucian asks, keeping his distance while he decides his next move. “What did you feel?”
I step forward, raising a finger at him. “It wanted tosaveyou.”
Lucian gets ready to fight. To fightme. I tremble as I lift a branch in midair, guiding it toward his chest. He ducks, but I continue the attack, losing awareness. Blow after blow, fight after fight, pointless aim after pointless aim.
Then I’m choking on his shadows, and I don’t even care.
Kill me, Lucian,I want to taunt.Kill the girl your brother loved.
He wraps me up in shadows.
Reunite me with your self-proclaimed family, you fucking asshole.
I don’t mind death. I never have.
In fact, I think I’d prefer it to this existence.
But Lucian falters. He does not go for a life-ending blow. He stands still, contemplating. He wants to kill me, and I want to goad him into it.
Instead, he says, “I’m not a part of anything. I don’t want to hurt you. But touch Desdemona, and I will kill you.”
From beneath his nest of shadows, I spit on his face.
