Page 61 of A Grave Not Made For Mourning
For a moment, all I do is stand here, trying to catch my breath. A Weapon and Ma? It doesn’t seem possible.
“Did you not hear me?” Calista shouts. “Get out!”
My heart races with the need to explain, but I know Calista. No explanation is ever enough for her.
My mouth opens anyways, just before I turn, leaving her room and taking the paper with me. When I’m safe and alone, I lean against my door, looking at the page.
Design No. 27.
My breath catches as I realize what this is—the blueprint of the Weapon.
It looks more like a jumble of random parts. Arrows point from one messy bit of metal to another, connecting them to a big, ugly lump that’s supposed to be the Weapon. I have no clue what any of this means—there’s no real order, just scribbled lines and strange shapes that don’t make sense. It’s like someone threw a bunch of ideas onto paper and hoped it would come together, but it’s hard to tell if it even can.
Or maybe I’m just hoping itcan’t. Because this is too much. I could almost believe Ma wasn’t involved, despite this blueprint being found in her study. I could almost believe this was all a farce.
Except for the date at the very bottom of the page. A date when she was supposed to destroy this blueprint. A date, two days before Ma died. The impact of realization hits me, and I fall.
A secret Weapon. A blueprint meant to be destroyed—but now indestructible. A rogue monster attacking Ma and me.
Ma went against Folkara’s wishes. For some reason, she preserved this page, and the kingdom killed her for it. Calista’s parents killed her. All for a Weapon.
A small note in the margins reads,Do not power on Folkara. But by that logic, it’d be okay to power anywhere else. It’d be okay to kill anyone else, just not the Folk. Not the best of us.
By that logic, it meant that if they were totestthis Weapon, they’d be testing it against innocents.
How could Ma help with something like this?
The emotional distance I tried to keep cracks, sucking me in. I am skin-to-skin with Lucian, mind-to-mind with his iron will. Because now Ihaveto know what the Weapon is for.
Because now I’m willing to go further than even he might be.
Without a second thought, I rest my hand on the mirror, opening a portal to my old house. I move through the garden of my hometown, ignoring the spot stained by Ma’s last breath. The house creaks beneath careful footsteps as I slip inside, climbing the steps to Ma’s study.
I stare at the bookcase. For half a second, I see the spines, but my vision quickly blurs. A feeling so strong it steals my sight. A hatred that could boil my blood.
There’s no need to look to know who stands behind me, framed in the doorway like a shadow I can’t shake. As I turn to face him, I have to hold back his anger in my bones—keep myself from tearing my hair out.
My brother Terran, my brother who I haven’t seen in five years, stands a few feet away from me. I try to meet his eyes.
The second I do, I feel the pang in my heart.
Inhisheart.
I am nothing.
I’ve imagined this reunion a thousand times over. I would tell him how profusely sorry I am. Not only for failing to save Ma, but for disappearing. For everything before and everything after. I would beg for forgiveness.
But now, faced with reality, I am frozen.
Words I said to Calista once upon a time play in my mind.
I feel like if I wait, just enough, that the right time will findme,Calista said.
She was talking about Lilac. That’s what falling in love does—it makes you cross-eyed. The world away from that person becomes a blur.
Or so I’ve felt through others.
There is never a right time,I told her, thinking about my family.You make the time and hope it’s right.
