Page 73 of Together We Burn
“You were never in any danger,” Jake said. “I was…”
“Right, you were the ‘inside man’ my mother would tell all her plans to. How could I forget?”
He flinched. “Chris, as soon as we found out what Emilia had done, we…”
“No, Jake, she’s right,” I sighed. “I was pissed too when I found out everyone kept things from me, so she’s right.” I shifted to face my sister. “I should have told you. This wasn’t just about me, it was about you and Nate, and for that, I’m sorry.”
Scowling, Chris worried her bottom lip between her teeth. With a relenting exhale, she nodded her head.
“I would have been here sooner if I’d known, Stefy,” she said, clasping my hand between hers. “Helped you recover aftereverythingyou went through.” She gave Jake a pointed look.
I huffed a laugh. “There wasn’t much you could have done, munchkin. I was pretty much useless for weeks, bedridden with Alex doing everything for me.”
Jake had been sitting on my coffee table, interjecting when he felt it was needed, backing up my story with parts that weren’t exactly clear, or I hadn’t been there for. His hand had cupped my calf the whole time, rubbing reassuring circles with his thumb or squeezing the muscle gently at particularly nasty parts. Like when I’d retold the story of Mom stabbing my leg repeatedly or Jake’s involvement.
As a child, Chris was never violent or confrontational, but the woman was ready to go a few rounds when she’d heard about the whole fist-meet-ribs part of the story. However, she found it amusing how Jake basically stalked and forced me to see him, earning him brownie points from my little sister.
“Jake, can you check on the boys?” Chris asked. “Need to make sure Nate isn’t making Alex’s ears bleed with his nonstop talking about his games.”
Jake looked at me, silently checking I was okay. I gave him a tight-lipped smile, and he straightened, but not before giving me a chaste kiss. Chris watched him leave, her eyes fixed to his back.
“So, he seems…” She paused, searching for the word.
“Nice?” I supplied.
“Possessive,” she said very matter-of-factly. I laughed, not disagreeing with her assessment. “Don’t get me wrong, what he did was shitty, unforgivable even… but… sometimes the worst thing that can happen in your life gives you the thing you’d no longer be able to live without.” She paused again, looking out to the French doors overlooking the garden where Alex, Nate, and now Jake were all crowding around the small gaming system. Her eyes softened, but a certain look of longing mixed with the evident love she had for her son.
Turning her attention back to me, she said, “Killing Ronan was the most selfless thing you could have ever done for me, Stefy. You’ve always put everyone else before yourself. And that man out there adores you.”
“I know.”
“So what’s holding you back?”
“I’m a paid assassin, and he’s a CEO of a multibillion-dollarlegalcompany. Being with him makes him collateral for anyone who holds a grudge against me to use. I can’t offer him a normal life, where he comes home from a long day at work to dinner on the table and asks me how my day was. Anything I’d tell him could be used against me, or worse, land him in jail, Chris. I can’t give him the picture-perfect American family. The normal wife or kids.” A little shocked at the word vomit that had just come out, I went silent as Chris waited patiently for me to finish. “I’m a liar.He’sa liar.”
Chris’s face fell, and she reached for my hand. “We’d both be hypocrites not to understand why he did what he did in the name of his brother, Stefy. Everything that happened between you two, you’ve forgiven him already. You just don’t want to admit that you have, and let yourself be happy.”
“What about you?” I asked, and she cocked her head, confused. “Are you happy?”
“Of course I am,” she replied with a smile.
“But looking at Nate…”
“Are you going to say how Nate has his eyes?” She inhaled, her eyes clouding as she tucked her legs under her. “It’s not been easy, Stefy. I’ve done a lot of counselling, seen different therapists. It’s an ongoing battle. But when I look at my son, I don’t see Ronan, nor is he a constant reminder of what happened. He’s the best part of me, and I live for him. Listening to that little boy laugh, holding him when he’s sad, watching him sleep, those are the things that make what happened worth it. It took a long time to get here, but I wouldn’t change it.”
I moved forward and clutched her to my chest. Chris wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her head against me, the way she did when she was young. A sob wracked my chest as the first tear slid down my cheek.
For eleven fucking years, I’d felt guilty not being able to save my sister from that monster, felt guilty that she had to live with the constant reminder of what she’d been through, guilty that I hadn’t supported her at all with her son. But Chris was so much stronger than I’d given her credit for.
Chris pulled away, wiping at my cheeks with her fingers.
“Hey, you’re crying,” she exclaimed, rubbing the salty tears on the tips of her fingers into her palm. “The Stefy I knewnevercried.”
“I know,” I said, laughing through a sniff. “It’s this new fucking thing I apparently do now.”
“Baby, is everything okay?” Jake rounded the sofa and dropped to his knees, glaring at Chris.
“Mom!” Nate cried, running to Chris and jumping on her knee. “Look what Jake got me.” Thrusting his game into her hands, he beamed at Jake, who was looking at me with concern.
