Page 32 of Grease Monkey
“Shay?” I plead, not sure what else to say. We’ve never had to deal with one of us having a boyfriend and changing our dynamic.
“Ever since you started dating Teddy, it’s like you have no time for me.” Her eyes widen as she realizes what she’s just said, and she grabs my wrist, frantically shaking her head from side to side. “Not that I’m not happy for you and expect you to spend all your time with me, but…”
“I’ve hardly seen Teddy either, Shay. Most of my time after school is spent studying. We’ve got our exams soon.”
“Doesn’t stop you sneaking off to find time with him, though.” She slaps her hand over her mouth like she can’t control her snarky comments. “I don’t mean to sound like an asshole, Morgs. Believe me, I’ve seen how happy he makes you. He seems really good for you, but…”
“But?” I prompt.
“But I never see you anymore. Like after school or whatever. I miss hanging out. Just us two.”
Is that really what’s happened? Have I been choosing Teddy over Shay any chance I could? Oh God, I have. Suddenly, I throw my arms over her shoulders, catching her off guard before she loops hers around my back, burying her head into my neck. I squeeze her tight, hating the sickly feeling that’s made itself present deep in my stomach.
I’ve been in my own bubble where it’s me and Teddy and no one else. When I’m not with him, we text or call. When I’m not with him, I miss him. He’s the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing at night. All the sneaking around is getting tiring, though, and the constant thrum of fear and adrenaline has my stomach tied in knots. We’re going to get caught. I can sense it. She might not have come out and directly asked me if I’m dating Teddy, but Mom’s hurtful comments about his family, or her over-the-top tutting whenever she sees Teddy’s car drive past have been happening more often lately, too often for it to be a coincidence. It’s like she hopes if she mentions her dislike enough, it may rub off on me. She even started monitoring what I do at night too, like she is a night warden at a prison, checking in my cell at different times between dinner and lights out. But when she’s safely tucked up in her room for the rest of the night, Teddy climbs up and through my window. Things have… progressed. He can’t stop touching me whenever we’re together, and I’m just as bad. He’s been a perfect gentleman, going at my pace—which I love—but I’m ready for more. Ready for something that’s been circling my mind ever since I watched him.
“I’m so sorry, Shay,” I say, giving her one last squeeze and letting go to see her face. “I never meant to put him before you.”
“I know that. I’m just feeling neglected, that’s all. It’s stupid.” She shrugs and manages to lift the corners of her lips, downplaying what an awful friend I’ve been.
“It’s not stupid. It’s just…” I pause, biting my lip.
“It’s new and exciting, and you want to spend time with him, I get it,” she says, filling in the gap I couldn’t quite manage to myself. Trying not to laugh, she says, “Just remember that when I get a boyfriend, I’m gonna ditch you all the time.”
My gut twists, a new knot adding to the numerous others. I’m torn in two. I want to spend time with my best friend, I do, but I want to be with Teddy more. And even though I love Shay to the ends of the earth, Teddy makes me feel free and elated and someone I never knew I could be.
“Oh God,” I inhale, and Shay’s eyes flash with concern.
“What?”
“I think I’m in love with him, Shay.”
Her smile is genuine this time, lighting up her whole face, and while relief washes over me that she isn’t mad anymore, I somehow feel worse.
“Eeeck!I can’t believe my little girl is growing up.”
“It’s fast, though, right? Like I can’t love him… it hasn’t been long enough.” I turn and pace a few steps before spinning and pacing back. Shaking my hands out by my sides, I suck in a breath. I am so close to a panic attack. “This is bad, this is bad, this is bad.”
Shay’s hands land hard on my shoulders. “Calm the fuck down, Morgana. What’s going on?”
“He’s leaving Shay.”
“What? When?”
I rub at my temples. “I don’t know.”
“Okay, babe, you’re making no sense.”
I groan. “He’s going back to Phoenix at some point. And I’m going to Boston.” Shay purses her lips in annoyance, but lets me continue without a word about that place. “I told him I didn’t expect forever from him. He’s dead set on moving back to Phoenix, and let’s face it, I’m only seventeen, but…”
I stop talking as Shay bobs her head from side to side, wrinkling her nose. “Yup, that checks out.”
“What does?” I ask.
“You’re head over heels for the boy.”
“Thanks. That helps a lot,” I snap, harsher than I meant to. “This wasn’t meant to happen, Shay. Mom’s making it so hard. She is one step away from demanding to check my phone.”
“Bet it’s pretty hot, though? All the sneaking around?”
