Page 17 of Cadence
“Right, sorry.” He flashes me an apologetic smile, but it’s still lit up like he’s just discovered buried treasure. “I’m just saying, it’s badass.”
I nod slowly, running my palms down the front of my leggings. “I just…didn’t want you to know it was me. Not quite yet.”
Beau tilts his head, curious. “Why not?”
“I just didn’t want it to be…athing,” I say, aware of how lame the half-truth sounds. But if Eli’s this excited over a social media account I made years ago, what will happen when they find out the rest?
“What do you mean?” Eli asks, eyebrows knitting together.
“People care more aboutwho’sbehind the drums thanwhatthe drums sound like.”
That quiets them for a beat, until Eli shakes his head. “Nah, if I was behind that account? I’dwantpeople to know.”
A dry, humorless laugh escapes me. “But there’s something about posting anonymously that makes it feel…safer.” I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “It’s just mine. No pressure, no expectations, just a bit of fun, doing something I’m sort of good at to the songs I like.”
They both look at me, no judgment in their eyes as they listen.
“Look, when people know who you are, sometimes they decide what you’re worth before you even show up. And if you fall short, even once, you’re either a disappointment or you were never that good to begin with. It stops being about the music, but about you instead.”
Beau crosses his arms. “So you figured it was easier to just hide?” His tone isn’t accusatory, just questioning. “You realize we’re about to tour with Reign Cooper, right? Everyone’s going to know who you are.”
“I know.” I nod, exhaling slowly. “And it wasn’t hiding. But Eli just said that account”—I nod at the phone—“was exactly who you were looking for. If you knew it was me right from the start, would you have given me the same chance as the people before me?”
Even as I ask them that, I feel the familiar tug of dread in my gut. Because that’s not the only secret I’m keeping. There’s another one—one that’ssomuch bigger than this—and I’m holding on to it for the exact same reason.
“Yes,” Eli says quickly, and I give him a look. “Okay, maybe not, but what does it matter? We’ve got you anyway, Drummer Girl.”
Rolling my eyes, I push away from the table, watching him from the corner of my eye as he shows Beau videos I think he’s seen before by the way he keeps nodding placatingly at our bass guitarist.
“Look at this one,” he says, holding the phone close. “Like, come on, she’s a beast.”
I want to melt into the floor, hide away as he gushes over the account. My hands go to work, tightening bolts, checking the pedal tension, busying myself with things I already did this morning. Anything to avoid the weird energy pulsing through the room.
The door opens, and my eyes dart to it as Maddox walks in, tugging up the hem of his hoodie. My throat goes dry as the T-shirt under it snags enough to ride up, lifting to show the patch of dark hair running down his stomach to the waistband of his jeans.
Trying to swallow, I track him as he moves over to his amp, tossing it on top, the sleeves of the faded black shirt hugging his biceps. He lifts a hand, dragging it through his hair, the muscle bulging, a thick vein snaking down the length of it.
“Maddox, dude,” Eli yells, nearly falling out of his chair as he jumps up and rushes toward him like an overexcited puppy. “You’ll never guess who’s BehindTheSnare.”
My heart lurches, my brain snapping out of my distraction, as I watch him shove his phone into Maddox’s face. If I thought I was nervous before with Beau and Eli finding out, nothing compares to the torturous seconds that go by while he stares at the screen.
Maddox’s eyes flick to me, and my breath catches. This is it. The moment he’ll flip out, call me a liar, question everything. Or worse, somehow manage to throw it in my face.
The back of my neck prickles as sweat coats my palms. Even now, as my pulse beats to a rhythm I can’t control, a part of me wants to hear what he thinks. For him to sayanything. Something to ease the tension gripping my lungs the longer his brown gaze holds mine. A sarcastic jab, hell, I’ll even take a single eyebrow raise, just proof that he’s not completely indifferent about something that Eli so clearly loves.
That maybe he’s impressed by the account just as much as he is, even if he’ll never admit it.
But all I get is a grunt as he barely glances at the phone. And stupidly, my heart sinks.
He walks past Eli, grabbing his guitar, not saying a single word.
“That’s it?” Eli asks, his face falling as he blinks at Maddox, confused. “Do you get what this means? Even if Ididmessage her, it wouldn’t have mattered ’cause she’s here.”
Maddox doesn’t look at him, the chords of his neck pulled taut. “Cool.”
Just one word said flat and dejected, like it doesn’t matter.
“It’s fine, Eli.” I give him a small smile before lowering my head, trying to pretend I’m not affected either. But the tightness in my chest betrays me.
