Page 86 of Joy to Noel
“What are you talking about?” Liam asks. “What do you mean you failed? You haven’t failed.”
“Ihavefailed, Liam!” I emphasize, chest heaving. “I didn’t want to admit to you that I’m a failure, that I messed up, but I did. MJE is nowhere near bringing in enough income to pay basic expenses. The only reason I’ve been able to survive these past few months is because I was picking up extra shifts at Becky’s and then helping Emily with Christmas Fest.”
Liam’s eyes are clouded with hurt. “Why didn’t you say something? If you would have told me what was going on, we could have brainstormed some new strategies to bring in more clients. I can’t help you fix it if you don’t tell me the honest facts of the situation.”
“I don’t need help fixing it, Liam!” I yell, fists clenched.
“Apparently you do, Madison! And that’s literally what I do—I’m a fixer!” he yells back.
“Maybe I just want you to be my boyfriend and not my business coach! Maybe I didn’t want to admit to the man I love that he fell in love with the wrong girl,” I say, tears stinging my eyes. I latch on to my anger to keep them from trickling down my cheeks. “I’m thirty years old—I have to make a grown-up decision. Be responsible for myself. If I can’t hack it as an independent editor, then maybe I need to go back to a job that gives me a steady paycheck, even if I don’t like it. Sometimes that’s what adults do.”
Liam glares at me. “And what about us? How do I factor into this decision? Or am I not a factor at all?”
I sigh, a tiny bit of my anger fizzling. “Of course, you’re a factor. This doesn’t mean we can’t still be together. If I do take the job, we couldalways do long distance for a little while. Or you could come to Kansas City. I don’t know—we can figure it out as we go, right?”
Liam’s glare has softened into something that looks more like hurt. And it makes me a lot more uncomfortable than his anger.
“Why wouldn’t you have said something about this sooner?” he asks. “I . . . I opened up to you, to this place. I finally started to feel like I had roots somewhere. With someone. How could you just blindside me when I’ve quit my job to start building a life here? With you.”
I bite my lip, still feeling defensive but also extremely guilty.
He’s right—how could you, Madison?
“Liam, I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. I’m not saying I’m going to accept the position. I’m going to stay in Nebraska an extra few days and hear them out at WritInc on Monday, and then I can figure out what to do,” I say.
“So you’re just going to miss the kickoff of Christmas Fest, too, then?” Liam responds, his tone laced with sarcasm. “Did you forget that you’re supposed to be helping Becky at her booth all weekend? Did you forget that we were going to watch the opening night parade together on Friday? Sure seems like you’ve already made up your mind about this job offer if you’re going to prioritize them over all the friends you have here.”
His comment cuts deep. His tone cuts even deeper—not quite disappointed. More like an“I should have known this was going to happen”tone.
“Liam, you’re not being fair,” I start. “I haven’t made a decision yet.”
“You can lie to yourself about that if you want, but I’m tired of you lying to me,” Liam says, backing away.
“I haven’t lied to you,” I insist, defenses rising again.
Liam snorts a sarcastic laugh as he crosses back to the entryway. “Lying by omission is just as bad.” He toes on his tennis shoes, which look ridiculous with his navy suit pants and pink dress shirt. “I guess I’ll see you next week when you come back to pack up your stuff.”
“Liam,” I say, a strangled plea.
He closes the door gently behind him. The quiet click of the latch resounds throughout the room louder than if he had fully slammedthe door. Because it wasn’t an angry,“I’m so furious this is happening”slam—it was a resigned,“I knew this would happen”click.
It’s the click that breaks my heart.
Because I’ve messed things up with Liam on top of messing things up in my career. Wrong choice piled on top of wrong choice. And now Liam is the collateral damage.
Maybe Christmas isn’t what’s broken. Maybe it’s just me.
Chapter thirty-five
Liam
Idrive for a long time. Hours slip by as I aimlessly take exits and drive along unfamiliar roads, my mind in a constant state of yelling.
How could she do this? How couldIdo this—give someone this kind of power over me?
When my vision starts to blur from the tired rage, I finally pull over on a quiet country highway, killing the engine. I punch the steering wheel, unintentionally blasting the horn.
“This was your own fault,” I lecture myself. “If you hadn’t handed her your trust, she couldn’t have betrayed you. This is why you don’t let people in, you idiot. And now you’ve set yourself up for even more disaster—quitting your job, moving to Noel. What were you thinking?”
