Page 32 of Your Second Chance
I grabbed my bag from the back of his car and slung it over my shoulder. “Thank you, but really, I’m okay.” I glanced over my shoulder to my apartment. “Thank you for bringing me. It really was lovely out there.”I hope I get to visit again.It was a thought better left unsaid. “I’m going through some shit, and I need to work it out myself. I don’t date coworkers. I don’t sleep with coworkers and I can’t... mingle.”
Ollie nodded, though I wasn’t convinced he really understood the depth of my words. I couldn’t do this. Not that I didn’t want to because clearly I did and so did my body, butIcouldn’t.
“Alright. Well, I’ll be around.”
“Thanks again,” I replied quietly. “For everything.”
I turned and walked away, not wanting to look at whatever expression he wore. Not wanting to finish this conversation like an adult. All I wanted to do was lie in bed and figure out what my next steps were.
12
nova
“I cannot believe I’m going to be an aunt-ma,” Aunt Mae screeched through the phone, her excitement so loud I had to hold the phone away from my ear.
I smiled, settling into our sofa. “I know, isn’t it the last thing you thought I’d?”
I figured it was about time I told her. At nearly seventeen weeks, and with my appointment to find out the sex of the pomegranate—yes, we were pomegranate size—I couldn’t keep it a secret much longer.
What I didn’t want to admit to Mae, though, was how tight things were getting. Luna and I had splurged on this flat, excited to finally have our own rooms and an office, but the rent was a stretch. The team gratefully helped me figure out options and encouraged me to go with this one. With me taking on more of the expenses soon with the baby, things were going to be even tighter. I tried not to think about it as Mae’s voice pulled me back.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
I could picture her sitting there, probably in her vintage kitchen, her much-younger boyfriend helping her with the video call setup. She was still living in the house that she and Mamihad, but had written and told me that her boyfriend was moving in. I guess they’d met while playing bingo. She still wrote me letters the old-school way, and the thought of worrying her had kept me silent for far too long.
“I—” I hesitated, biting my lip. I didn’t want to panic Mae; I didn’t want her to feel like she had to do anything, especially when she’d already done so much just by being there for me. “I didn’t want to bother you,” I finally said, the excuse feeling thin even to me.
“Bother me? Sweetheart.” She sighed, and I could already hear her about to launch into one of her speeches. “You don’t ‘bother’ family with news like this.”
I didn’t want to admit it, even to myself, but I was struggling. Depression was a quiet, relentless thing, creeping in at the edges of my life, and I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t even want to recognize it. It was easier to focus on figuring out how I was going to parent the pomegranate, on work, on anything else. Acknowledging it was like opening the door to a flood I couldn’t control, so I kept the door shut. Tight.
Mae’s voice broke through my thoughts. “Is it Austin’s?”
I nodded, watching her expression shift to one of concern.
“I actually plan on calling him about it today. Right after you,” I said quickly, trying to move the conversation along.
Mae nodded slowly, clearly wanting to say more but holding back. “How are you doing otherwise?”
I launched into a practiced speech, one I’d been perfecting for anyone who asked. “I really like my job. We’re seeing an increase in fan attendance, and merchandise numbers are up exponentially, even if the seats are still a slow climb.”
What I didn’t mention was how I was still hopelessly hung up on my assistant coach and avoided him like he carried the bubonic plague.
Mae started rambling about her life, her boyfriend, and how unbearably cold it had been in Chicago lately. Her chatter was comforting, familiar, even as my attention started to wander.
My phone buzzed, pulling me back. I glanced at the screen and saw a text from Luna.
I quickly cut Mae off with a promise to call her back soon and checked the message.
Luna: Don’t hate me, but Baby Daddy can’t come to the appointment today. Headquarters wants me to talk to them (!!!)
Me: Holy shit, Lune! Congrats!
My lips twitched into a small smile despite the disappointment of her not being able to be there. If anyone deserved something amazing, it was Luna.
Luna: Are you mad at me?
Me: Not in the slightest. I’ll see you after work.
