Page 78 of What Happens This Christmas
A life without Nick Crane.
It would be a sad one, that was for sure. Just knowing that this was all over, that I’d given back two things he’d given me that meant so much to me, made a dull ache consume my chest. I’d cherished those rings and really thought that I’d have the immense pleasure of doing so for the rest of my life.
Our love hadn’t felt all-consuming, and that should have been my first sign. I was blinded by the luxurious parties and brunches with friends. I’d missed it, and now it was too late. It was simply too late.
I’d been lucky in the sense that the marginal love we’d shared had begun to beat once more this season.
But that was all it was—a season.
In answer to Eloise’s question, and as sad as it was, my answer was no. A two-letter word of defiance that I’d come to detest. Unfortunately, it didn’t matter. There were two of us in this, and Nick hadn’t said he wanted a divorce for nothing. I needed to remember that. I’d made him so unhappy that he’d actually wanted to leave me, so this was for the best. That was what I’d keep telling myself too.
It would become a lullaby, something I whispered to myself when my head hit the pillow, and I looked over at an empty side of the bed. I’d done this to myself. Self-pity and wallowing were disturbing things, but it was also part of grieving. Which was exactly how I would describe this—grieving my husband, my marriage, and the life we hadn’t gotten to fully live together.
Part of me wished things were different, but they weren’t. If I had more tears left to cry, I might have shed a few, but it would seem that the mist in my eyes was nothing more than another reminder. Nothing was coming out. Even when I closed my eyes and tried to force them out. I was as dry as an empty well.
Finally, I cleared my throat, hoping it didn’t give away the emotion I felt deep down to my core. “I’ll tell you what I can’t imagine.”
“Mmhmm.” Eloise licked her fingers as she polished off the last of her chicken wings. “I’m waiting.”
“A Christmas Eve where we don’t exchange presents like when we were kids. Remember how we did that? Sneak into each other’s rooms to open our secret presents we bought for each other, so we didn’t have to wait for Christmas morning?”
She gasped, a hand flying to her mouth. “How could I have forgotten? Those were such nice memories.”
“They still are,” I said and stood up, walking to my suitcase. The lone red package with gold ribbon was the last thing that sat inside it. I plucked it out and carried it to Eloise. “For you.”
She kicked her feet before bouncing off the bed. “I might’ve forgotten about our childhood tradition, but I did get something for you too.” She rummaged through her own suitcase and retrieved a small package.
Too bad whatever it contained, I knew it’d never be the one thing I wanted most for Christmas—Nick.
Chapter 36
Santa fell off the roof
NICK
I pounded my fist on my pillow for the hundredth time. Why the fuck wasn’t it comfortable? I was going to wake up with a goddamn neck ache.
That’s not why you’re upset.
Finally, I pushed it down and slammed my head on it in record time, hoping that helped it. End result? It didn’t do shit. Not a thing. This night was going to be never-ending. I’d hear Santa on the roof, come down the chimney, and those stupid jingle bells on the reindeer.
Maybe I should have gone downstairs and left milk and cookies for Old Saint Nick.
No, what I should have been doing was giving my wife my own version of a sleigh ride as she held on to the headboard for leverage and cried my name.
That would have been a very Merry Christmas Eve, indeed.
My phone vibrated on the nightstand, the screen lighting up with a notification.
Candy?
Yes, and then the elves are going to call you later in an SOS moment. Santa fell off the roof, and you’re to replace him, or else Christmas will be ruined for all of the children around the world. Think of the devastation.
Eloise:Candy’s going to be at that place she loves so much with the frozen hot chocolate tomorrow, but you didn’t hear it from me.
Nick:Why are you telling me this?
She left, remember?At least, that was all I remembered Eloise telling me.
